Changed
by sue2008
Summary: Two years passed since the end of season 6 and Ziva is coming back. How will everyone react? Would she be able to deal with her demons? There is one change to the story so please read the A/N.
1. The return

**CHANGED**

**Disclaimer: Don't owe nothing, I'm just messing around to survive till the new episodes:)**

**A/N Hi, there goes my another post Aliyah fiction (it is getting boring, I know). Unless the first, this one is intended for happyending, so be warned...**

**It is happening about two years after the last scene of season 6. The only change I made to the story is that I brought Jenny Shepard back to life. Lets said she was on long sick leave and now she is back. I needed someone Ziva could talk to (Abby is too optimistic and has too little connections for this cause) and bringing Jenny back to life was so much easier than creating new character.**

Ziva David stood in the front of THE BUILDING. The NCIS headquarter at the Navyyard. She had no idea what she was doing here. It was two years, two damn, long, painful years since she was in this building last time. She left angry then and she knew too well she caused a lot of pain by not coming back.

Now she was back. Just like that. She had no idea why she agreed to this plan. Well, of course she knew. It was her pride. She still believed they miss her and that they need her. Jenny offered her she could join another team or even start new life in different city. But no, when Ziva heard Team Gibbs was one member down (again), she decided it was time to face her demons. Now she wasn't so sure.

The plan was simple. Jenny should tell the Team, Ziva will be joining them one more time. Jenny should also explain to them she is no longer Mossad officer. Now, Ziva was US citizen (Jenny took care of it as well) and she passed all tests to became the NCIS agent.

The only thing Ziva had to do was enter the building and said hi to her new-old team. So simple, yet so hard to do. The demons were there. How she wished she never left The Team, this building, the country. Life would be so easy now.... She could have spare so much pain for everyone. It wasn't her pain she was worried about. She proved she could bare her pain very well. She just wasn't sure others are ready to forgive her and welcome her back. Well, there was only one way to find out. She took one last deep breath and entered the building heading straight for elevator.

What she noticed first in the squad room was silence. All agents even the ones she never met were staring at her. She was kind of dark legend in this building, this kind agents like Tony used to scare probies with. With her head hold up she joined her team. Jenny was still with them explaining something surprisingly quietly to Gibbs. Whatever she said to him, Ziva made mental note to thanks her later because all Gibbs said out loud was "David, you are late"

"Won't happen again, Boss" was her automatic answer. She didn't even had time to realize there will be again, but they can have this argument other time. Actually, she felt like home. Almost. McGee stared at her with doubt written all over his face, but she knew he just needed time. He was willing to go to whatever relationship they had. She never hurt him the way she hurt Tony. The senior agent was completely different story. He wasn't looking at her at all, suddenly the window view caught his attention... Well, she probably deserved it.

"Ziva" Jenny finally welcomed her back with hug "I'm glad you made it" and Ziva knew she meant she was able to face the guys.

"I'm glad I'm here" was Ziva's honest answer.

"So, now, everyone is happy" Gibbs interrupted "we have some work to do, Director" Jenny gave him one of the looks she was saving specially for him, but decided to go with it.

"By the end of the month I expect written report on performance of yours new agent" she ordered.

"Agent??" McGee stared with confusion.

"As for 3 months I'm US citizen, I passed all tests to become NCIS agent" she informed.

"So, you are probie, then" he gave her first honest smile.

"I guess" she answered and waited for Tony's reaction. He didn't even move, like she wasn't there.

On the other hand, McGee was looking at her curiously. No smile?? No death threats?? she was just nervous, he guessed, but he decided to keep an eye on her, just in case. With one last secret look at Tony Ziva sat herself at her usual desk.

.oOo.

The day was slow one, they were just wrapping up now solved case, so Ziva was able to catch up with the team and get hold of herself. She was actually doing quite well, she winced only once, when McGee came unexpectedly from behind her and she wasn't able to rise her head when Gibbs was staring her as she made some probie mistake.

Other than that she believed herself to be the same like two years ago. And really, Gibbs choose not to question the slight changes in her behavior, rather then not noticing them, Tony ignored her whole day. McGee noticed them as well, but believed them to be caused by the cold, almost freezing welcome she got from Tony, even Gibbs and most surprisingly from Abby as well. The Goth was mad Ziva didn't contact her for the last eight months she was back in the US and she hadn't got any good reason why. McGee was surprised Ziva didn't go with usual "not sure how you would react" explanation. He knew Abby would melt down with this.

The only person to welcome Ziva really warmly was Ducky. The old medical examiner noticed every Ziva's insecure movement, her surprisingly long sleeves and turtleneck in hot summer day and he with his doctor's eyes noticed her slight limping, she believed she was able to mask completely now. It could all be explained in some rational manner, but what really set him off wasn't the way she preferred her left hand to right, but it was her reaction or rather lack of any kind of respond to Tony's quite cruel remarks.

"Ziva, dear child, how are you??" Ducky also was the only one not to ask her where she was in the last two years.

"I'm OK" was her well trained answer.

"You look different" he didn't know how to put his worries,

"Two years is long time" she basically didn't explain anything.

"Don't say, David" Tony just joined them "You probably spent them in some great way, so you didn't have time for your friends. Or maybe we never were good enough for you" Ziva just paled little bit more and with last almost-smile at Ducky left the room. Tony went after her probably with some more painful remarks but Ducky stopped him.

"Anthony..." Tony turned back from door "give her some time"

"Why, she left" he would never admit his anger so obvious from his behavior "If there is anyone needing time it is me"

"Oh, Anthony" Ducky knew too well that hurt heart is not so easy to heal up "just don't do anything you would regret in future"

Tony stayed in the room for the little while like considering what Ducky said, but then he left without word. The ME wasted no time, he went to visit the red-headed director. Jenny was so glad someone actually cared about Ziva, but was bounded by promise of silence. She just begged Ducky to watch out for her.

.oOo.

At the end of the day Ziva knocked on the Jenny's office door. They agreed it earlier this day.

"So, how was your doctor appointment??" Jenny asked Ziva about her being late today.

"The usual" she answered obviously bored. Ziva had spent so many time in doctor's offices in the past months she was back in US she was getting allergic reaction just at the sight of white coat.

"Usual means what??" Jenny wouldn't let go, she was used to getting news from Ziva that way.

"There is nothing they can do about my knee or my shoulder. I should keep doing the exercises and give it time....the usual"

"And your psychologist appointment??" Jenny still ignored Ziva's annoyed tone. Ziva knew Jenny would never let her go back to work if her therapist wouldn't give his OK, so she answered truthfully.

"My next appointment is tomorrow evening. Do I still have to go there" she tried anyway.

"You still have two months left on your basic therapy and than we can talk about it." Ziva just accepted her fate with nod.

"Wanna get dinner??" Jenny tried to lighten the mood, she could see Ziva was exhausted after today and needed some distraction.

"I don't know..." Ziva seemed nervous. Jenny understood immediately.

"I'll drive you home in the evening, don't worry" it became habit after their dinners.

"It is stupid, I know" Ziva was ashamed of herself.

"Ziva David, listen to me, you are in healing process and you can't push it too hard. Take it one step at the time and do what are you comfortable with." Ziva smiled instead of thanks and they left building in comfortable silence.

**So, this is it, you probable have read dozens of story like this...I know I have:) But I can't wait to see how it ends for real so I do whatever I can to survive the month left. I can't promise to update regularly, but I will do my best....If you will read, of course**

**Next: I guess I will start some case....**


	2. The needs

**Disclaimer: the usual;)**

**So no case for now, but since I got so many reviews I wanted to update ASAP, so I know it is short but I hope you will enjoy it.**

The days passed slowly. Director Shepard had to has another word with agent Gibbs she he wouldn't bother Ziva about her late arrivals. When pressured about the reason she just admit Ziva has doctor appointments in the mornings.

Gibbs of course wanted to know more, but she just told him to ask his female agent. Gibbs however knew something went terribly wrong in young Israeli's life. What he was disappointed about was that Ziva went for help to Jenny instead of him. He didn't know (and neither female wanted him to know) Jenny basically forced herself on Ziva, who would never told anyone from her US life she was injured, let alone ask for any kind of assistance. Anyhow, as wise leader Gibbs decided not to dig in this obviously painful problem. He knew the truth would come out eventually.

One the other hand Tony had no problem in showing his disapproval.

"David, again late" He attacked her one morning.

"Sorry" she tried to dismiss quickly and planned on making herself invisible behind her desk.

"Don't apologize, it is sign of weakness" Tony wouldn't let go. To be honest, he noticed change in Ziva maybe clearer than anyone else. He noticed even barely visible scars on her palms and was deeply concerned about now healed cut on her left cheek Ziva tried hide every morning behind make-up. Most of the time Tony was teared up between the need of kicking her ass as long as it takes to make her come clear and the need of letting her cry on his shoulder as long as it takes to make her smile again. Seeing her every day hurt him in terrible way and reminded him about the two years they lost. Being major pain in the ass was the only way he was able to deal with it all.

"There is nothing else to said, I'll be late again on Friday" Ziva was telling the truth.

"Hmmm, someone likes morning sex" Tony knew he was hurting his coworker, but in some wicked way it made him feel better. Also, demanding boyfriend would be easy way to explain some of the changes he noticed in her.

"You are pig" Ziva finished the argument. Tony was surprised by her tone, she wasn't teasing, she stated it with no way for discussion. Unfortunately for Ziva, Gibbs caught only the end of the argument and before Tony could react in any way, the Team Leader head-slapped her.

"Your coworker is not an animal" he reprimanded her like misbehaving child, it almost felt like the old times, but Ziva's reaction surprised them all. With the slightest physical contact the Israeli jumped off the chair and involuntarily yelped out loud. There were actually tears in her eyes.

"Somewhat edgy, David??" Tony was once more on the top. Pushing her down made him feel like he was the one to end their relationship.......whatever it was two years ago.

Ziva took control of herself in the matter of seconds.

"I supposed you were the one to get head-slapped" she said in weak attempt to get back at him.

"It is common probie mistake" Tony was already opening his big mouth for another mean comment but unexpectedly McGee, who watched Ziva's fight for self-control, asked some stupid question and draw whole attention on himself. While he was pretending to listen Tony's childish remarks recited in his best I'm-the-one-to-know-everything tone, Tim thought all the time about Ziva. She was changed and he seemed to be the only one to be concerned about this. Well, not the only one. He decided to go see Ducky in first opportunity.

"Ducky" he welcomed lately this afternoon "You are the one with the profiling skills, I need your insight" Tim went straight to the problem.

"Timothy" Ducky didn't even look up from the autopsy table "Do you need anything, is there new case??"

"No" he didn't hesitate for a second "Ziva, I need your insight on her"

"Ziva" Ducky put down the scalpel and played for time. He didn't know what to think about this all, the director wasn't sharing and he only guessed. On the other side, he wasn't with the team most of the time and Ziva definitely looked like she needed someone to look out for her. If only part of his presumption was right she could use every support she could get.

"Honestly, I don't know" the ME started carefully "but she is displaying behavior typical for severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder" There, it was out, he admitted his worse fears.

"Yeah, I noticed she is bit edgy" Tim confirmed.

"You can put it that way" Ducky smiled "Our beautiful Director knows more, I guess the whole story, but Ziva made her promise to stay silent."

"It sounds like Ziva pretty well" McGee wouldn't be expecting anything less "Is there anything to be done for her??" he really wanted to help her.

"She seems to be getting some professional help" Ducky continued. "She just need stable environment in order to get better and I noticed Anthony had some issues with her coming back. It reminds me of one young man I knew....but he was in love with this lady.....well, so, I guess it is just like Anthony...It was in France and he..."

At this moment McGee was saved by the phone. Gibbs. He answered immediately. After short one sided conversation he just stated "Yeah, on my way, I'll tell him" he hung up and turned back to the ME.

"Ducky, we have got a case, dead Private" and he was heading out. He stopped by the door "And, doctor, thanks for your insight. I'll try to look out for her" and he was out.

Ducky started packing his gear "I know you will, Timothy. I'm not worried about that...."

**Next: You noticed the case is starting...**


	3. On your side

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**There goes the promised case. Honestly, though Ziva is my favorite character, the story is starting pretty bad for her. I should do something about it, but just not yet.**

**Enjoy.**

Tim was the last to get to the truck. Tony was seated behind the steering wheel, Gibbs was next to him. Unexpectedly, Ziva chose to sit in the back. As he jumped in, he would never imagine what hell of the day is starting for his traumatized coworker.

The moment they arrived at the scene, Gibbs started to ask questions. The young policeman standing next to the entrance let them in and warned them.

"It is bad one" he was too young to see any murder cases and was terribly shaken up by this one "Lisa Holland, Private First Class, she is...well....dead"

"Yeah, it is quite usual in the murder cases" Gibbs tried hard not to sound too condescending "Dead how??" he got back to the point.

"It is hard to said" the policeman was getting nervous by the moment and was clearly uncomfortable "go check for yourself if you want to" and the tone in his voice definitely showed, he is not coming back in on his free will.

"McGee, wait for Ducky" Gibbs was back in his bossy-mode "David, DiNozzo, with me"

"On your six" Tony entered right behind Gibbs, slightly pushing Ziva. She wished she was able pay him back with the same, but right now she was just glad to be invisible. The moment she put her feet to the house, she could feel trouble. The room was filled with smell of fear and there were some signs of struggle, but most of the CSU crew were in the basement and Gibbs was also heading there. With her intuition she could feel the room was filled with pain and torment, but she couldn't think about reasonable explanation not to come in. She just peaked in through the door and she felt nauseated. It hasn't happen to her since she was six. Until two years ago... She forced herself to join the team in the basement.

Then she saw what the policeman meant by 'hard to say'. In the middle the room stood chair and the Private was tied to it, well, what was left of her. Her clothes were teared off. There were obvious choking marks on her neck, she was completely beaten up and under the chair were pools of the blood. Some blood was even on the walls. Every inch of Lisa's once probably smooth skin was bruised, burned or mutilated is some other way.

"DiNozzo, bag and tag, David..." Gibbs started automatically.

"I'm going to take neighbors statement" she muttered quietly and literally run off the room. On her way out she almost bumped to Ducky and McGee. They looked at her worriedly but before they could do or even said anything she was out.

Ziva ran to the nearest bushes and puked her guts out. The tears came into her eyes as she collapsed on the ground. She recognized the symptoms immediately as her breath went shorter and her body was shaking uncontrollably. The panic attack. Thanks to her shrink session she was able to cope. She rested her forehead on her knees as she tried to calm down her breathing. She repeated to herself quietly breath in – hold a little bit – breath out – hold and again breath in. After few minutes rocking herself back and forward she was able to stand up carefully and went to the truck to get herself some water. Then she immediately went knocking on the doors. No way the team would find out she couldn't deal with some body, however mutilated. They had no idea about her problems and she hoped to keep it that way.

Ducky looked back after Ziva. His first impulse as medical professional was to go after her. She looked like she needed medical attention and the poor child in the basement wasn't going anywhere. But then he realized he was already late and Jethro would be angry with him. He was going to be the last one to add some problems to his silver-haired friend. McGee was already in the room as the ME estimated the situation with one look.

He understood too well, what got Ziva so upset, although she didn't use to be the person to get easily throw off the balance. But it was two years ago and if her PTSD wouldn't rise his suspicion, the reaction to this scene definitely would. He just didn't understand why the team didn't notice anything. Maybe they didn't want to. He finally understood what the Director meant by looking after her as he listened some mean comments Tony made about Ziva leaving.

"Time of death, Ducky" Gibbs definitely noticed his agent weird behavior, but now he had a dead Private on his hand, so freak out female agent would have to wait.

"I would put it somewhere between two and six am" he estimated by first checkout, but immediately added "it is very hard to tell due to extensive blood lost. I need to get her back home to estimate the probable order of the injuries and duration of the blood lost then I can be more specific."

"Do your job, Duck" and Gibbs went to check if Ziva was doing her job. She was standing in respectful distance from the house and was talking to some woman. As she noticed Gibbs she finished quickly her interview and gave him her report.

"The PFC Holland was obviously well liked by her neighbors, quiet, kind, helpful. Probably no boyfriend or at least no one was staying in her house over night. She had some occasional female visitors, usually also military. The PFC was last seen yesterday around 5 pm coming home in her uniform, alone" Gibbs here nothing to reprimand her about, her report contained every detail, so he just went with her previous behavior.

"Next time try not to puke on the crime scene." Damn, he always knew everything. She just hanged down her head.

"Won't happen again" she actually could argue she managed to get behind the line, but she decided not to press the issue.

"I hope not, I need to know I can count on every member of my team" She rise her head – member of the team?? Now, they often call her the girl or something like that and almost never included her in common activities, but Gibbs wasn't finished, it was almost like the two years never happened.

"Ziva" his voice was quieter, but warmer "If you have any issues, problems or you just want to talk, you know you can always count on me, do you?? I know Jenny is on your side, so you are probable well off, but if there anything I can do, just ask." Ziva almost started crying second time this day, she stared at him unbelievingly. She managed just shake her head.

"But if you don't ask" Gibbs continued "I will ride your ass as hard as ever" he added with his Gibbs-grin.

"Thank you" she said "I will remember it"

"Good, now we got pass the sentimental moment, get your ass down to PFC Holland CO and than go home. You can give me your report at 7 am tomorrow, sharp"

"I can come back to the office" she argued, but Gibbs wouldn't let her.

"There is no need, the autopsy will take some time and I guess you are not up to assist Ducky" she paled little bit at this comment "And Abby's babies also need some time to process the evidence....you know you can't rush the science" he added with so un-Gibbs-like parody of Abby. Ziva smiled involuntarily.

"So, after you finish your interview go home and get some rest, I need you at your best tomorrow morning"

"Thanks, Boss, g'night, then"

"Bye, Ziva, and get some rest"

"Will do" and with the smile she was gone.

**There, another person on Ziva's side. But it is only getting more mixed up, don't worry;)**

**Next: some nightmares (but it won't be this weekend, sorry guys)**


	4. The halftruth

**Disclaimer: all this is someone else property...I just have got wild imagination**

**Sorry guys it took so long, but I warned you.**

The conversation with Lisa's CO was short one. Lisa was average marine, her rating was rather good, but not excellent, no problems, no reprimands, no complains. She was obviously the quiet one going with main stream. Well liked in her surrounding, but she wasn't too close to anyone. Her CO also guessed she didn't have boyfriend. Ziva thanked him and decided to inform Gibbs with one short phone call. Instead of thanks he repeated his order for her to get some rest. When she arrived home she took long shower and went immediately to the bed.

At 2 am she woke up with scream and started to cry. The nightmares she believed to be history were back. When after half an hour her body was still shaking with huge sobs she knew she couldn't stay alone. She dressed herself and went to the person she trusted.

It was 2:45 when she knocked on Jenny's door. Ziva knew she would wake up her friend, but she was sure Jenny would understand. It was kind of part of the plan when two months ago Jenny helped Ziva get apartment close to hers.

As Jenny opened the doors Ziva relaxed little bit. She was safe. The two of them spent so much time awake in nights in past months Ziva felt the familiarity in this situation. Jenny noticed Ziva's tears immediately and dragged her in. As the redhead was making hot chocolate (it was only thing to calm Ziva down) she started to interview her friend.

"So, what happened??"

"Nightmare" Ziva admit. It was huge step forward for her.

"Some flashbacks or something else??" Jenny knew Ziva was having two kinds of nightmares. The first ones left her shaking, but she usually calmed down when she realized she was safe. The second type was worse. It was terrible mixture of memories and reality and it left Ziva confused and terrified and it took her long time to come back to reality.

"The second" Ziva whispered. Jenny took the cups of chocolate, handed Ziva one and sat next to her.

"Tell me about it" she encouraged.

"I thought it was over" as for now, she calmed little bit and was now feeling guilty to woke her friend up.

"Hey, I already told you so many times, it is what friends are for." Jenny assured.

"It was the case yesterday" Ziva wasn't eager to relive her nightmares, but she learned that talking was making the nightmares less real.

"We had dead PFC, yesterday, young girl" Ziva started "So young, so innocent" She shook her head "When we found her, she was..." Ziva was looking for the good words, then she decided to go with what really happened "She was raped, tortured and left to die" by the tone of the voice Jenny knew they were getting to the heart of the problem "But in my dream, I was the girl, the team found me, dead...

The way, they talked about her...THE VICTIM, POOR GIRL...it was like talking about me....but the worst......The burn marks... it was almost like mine" she started to cry again. Jenny understood it too well. She saw most of Ziva's scars and she knew that on her left forehand was line of round cigarettes burn marks, almost like chain, Ziva's tortured considered it amusing in some wicked way.

"But in my dream" Ziva continued "Tony was..." there she paused little bit "...the team was standing there, in their cold manner, working the crime scene the usual way. I wanted to scream, hey, it's me, but they noticed and didn't care" now she was crying with full force she didn't even bother to pretend.

"It was not that bad nightmare..." Jenny listened to so many stories of Ziva's bad dreams she knew her Israeli friend would consider this one rather nice one.

"The cigarettes marks..." Jenny realized, from all marks on Ziva's body and the burn marks chain was the most wicked one.

"What if he.....they ever found out" Ziva finally got what was worried her most out of her. Jenny did the only thing she could do for her friend. She was there for her.

"Zi, you listen to me. You SURVIVED. There is your difference. Now you are trying to put pieces of your life back together. Don't push it too hard. If Tony and the others won't be able to deal with what happen to you then they are not worth your energy."

"They can never find out" Ziva was consistent with her plan.

"Maybe" Jenny tried "you should give it a shot. For example with Ducky, he has already noticed your behavior and is concerned about you. Lets see how would he react"

Ziva shook her head "I can't. No one can know"

"I know and I think nothing less of you." she assured. Jenny knew too well how painful it was for Ziva, to talk about her fears, not to mention anything in her life in pass two years. And no one knew as good as her how hard it is to keep straight face during listening story like this. On the other hand she was sure no one could cope as well as Ducky and Gibbs during this story, not even her, and the revelation would make Ziva life so much easier. God knew she deserved it like no one else. Jenny decided to go with compromise.

"What if you don't tell them the whole story. Just that mission went wrong, you were captured and interrogated. The end. They don't need to know, who captured you and what they were after. You don't even have to tell the details."

Although Ziva was deep in her thoughts she caught the inconsistencies in this plan

"They??? THEM???" She interrupted Jenny's monologue "I believe we were talking only about Ducky"

"Ducky, of course...." Jenny assured "he already noticed your PTSD" Ziva paled and Jenny quickly continued "Don't worry, it is not so obvious he is just too good"

As Ziva relaxed little bit Jenny continued "And I think you should tell Gibbs as well"

"No way" Ziva left no room for discussion. "You know there is no telling the half truth to Gibbs. Once I admit I was captured he will find out the rest."

"Maybe, only maybe" Jenny started carefully "It is not a bad thing for them to know"

"Never! I don't want them to think they owe me anything."

"But in some way they do" there was awkward silence in the room after that. Finally Ziva stated

"No, they don't. I was just doing my job, I was standing up for what I believe in and..." she hung her head down "owing to someone overwrites all other relationships"

Like it explained anything Jenny nodded "Just think about it" and noticing it was already dawn she ended the conversation "Now, go to sleep, your room is still usable, I believe"

Ziva smiled at her "I don't know what I would do without friend like you" and she left the room.

"You would still be in Israel, not getting any treatment, so I guess you would be dead by now" Jenny spilled the truth to the closed doors. She poured herself a lot of whiskey and seating herself comfortably she allowed herself to get lost in painful memories. She still remembered the way she found Ziva more then year ago. As the Director of the NCIS she was invited by Mossad officials to join investigation involving possible terrorist attack on US Military. She could still see in front of her the person she would never even consider to be her friend till someone else mentioned her name.

**Next: Jenny's memories (you will find out what happened to Ziva and it should probably take more than one chapter. So stay put)**

**I was hoping to finish the story before we will find out for real what happened, but it doesn't seem so......anyway, I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	5. The father of the year

**Disclaimer: Still dreaming on**

**Hey, thanks for all reviews, you guys are soooo great.....As a reward here is one long chapter.**

**These are Jenny's memories, so it's all happening more then year ago than our story...**

The room was huge and dark. There were few big monitors on the walls. In one corner was pale light and there was seated person doing some work. Jenny never even really noticed the person who she believed to be some teenager preparing paperwork for the meeting. It never crossed her mind she could know this person. She didn't even recognized the quiet, scared voice when she joined the group (very slowly because of significant limping) and informed the investigation leader, Daniel Martins, as she handed him small map with her left hand

"I marked all possible locations, but I still have to work on some dates"

Only when Daniel turned to her saying "Thanks Ziva, but it can wait, you should get some rest" forced Jenny to look at her. She was really a wrack. What she could see of her body was covered with badly healed scars, some of which weren't still completely closed. The ugliest scar was on her face and Ziva was almost lost behind this cut. Her hairs were so much shorter then she remembered, but the biggest change was in the behavior. Ziva she used to know was full of energy, self confident and bossy in her own way. The person she was now wasn't even able to look at Daniel, who she obviously knew well, she let everyone to boss her around and the life was lost from her eyes. She never smiled, but it may be also caused by the scar on her face, which made any mimic imposible.

"Ziva" Jenny put her hand on Ziva's shoulder as she turned out to leave. The Israeli stiffed and freezed on the spot.

"Don't hurt me....." she hugged herself in defensive way and turned back. Jenny saw how painful was every movement for her. Then there was quick recognition in Ziva's eyes before they became empty again.

"Director Shepard, what are you doing here??" It was like talking to robot, the words were right but there wasn't 'the big picture' in it.

"What happened to you??" Jenny wasn't able to ignore the situation anymore, but the lead investigator stepped between the women.

"Ziva, go get some sleep, I'm sure there will be time to catch up later" and Ziva turned to him with something smile-like.

"I'll be back at six" another robot-like answer.

"I don't want to see you here before eight, you are supposed to be on sick leave" It looked like their regular conversation.

"My daddy doesn't think so" by Daniel's reaction Jenny supposed it was Ziva's usual argument, but her voice were weaker with every word.

"So he is mistaken" Daniel was gradually getting agitated and he wasn't able to notice that Ziva didn't catch up with him. She paled every second more and finally passed out. Only Daniel's quick reaction saved her from hitting the floor hard. He lifted her and carried her out. Holding Ziva in his arms he turned to the rest of the group, who was watching whole scene like it was Hollywood movie.

"My assistant" he nodded towards young man "will get you up to speed for now. As for tomorrow we will meet at 7 sharp. I expect all of you to come with own ideas how to solve this mess ASAP" and left the room. Jenny didn't hesitate for a second and followed him out. He carried Ziva through dark corridor and up the stairs till he finally stopped be one door and ask Jenny to open them.

The room behind them was bright and small. There was just bed, one chair and table and small wardrobe. There were another doors leading to the bathroom, as Jenny supposed. Daniel carefully put down Ziva on the bed and Jenny went to bathroom to get some water. As she came back Ziva was slowly waking up.

"Not again" she whispered as she realized where she was.

"Again?" Jenny didn't like where it was going.

"It is quite regular around here" Daniel seemed not to notice Ziva's protests "She passed out twice yesterday. I always wonder if she like being carried to the bed" he tried to lighten the mood.

"Anyway," he continued, now with reprimand "I'm getting tired of reminding you to take it slowly. Your father is not here and no one else is expecting miracles from you"

Jenny had enough of not fully understanding this situation

"Would finally someone please tell me what the hell is going on here" was her un-lady-like comment.

"Nothing" was Ziva's immediate answer.

"Ziva David" Daniel turned to her with warning tone

"Sorry" she apologized although no one really cared "but I can't do it again" now she was almost begging

"OK" Daniel understood. He opened one drawer and picked up some bottle of pills "So, be tonight good girl, take one of these and go to sleep. I'll tell the story for you"

"No, I don't want Tony....anyone back in US to know" Ziva talked to Daniel but it was Jenny who answered.

"You listen to me, Ziva David" although she was talking with full director authority there was concern written all over her "I won't tell a word without your permission. But, honestly, you need help and I can provide it. To get it right I need to know the truth and I will find it out even if I should beat it out of your father. Now take the damn pill and get some sleep" only Gibbs would argue with Jenny when she was in this mood, so Ziva obeyed every order and was asleep in second. Luckily for all Ziva was too tired to notice Jenny's previous remark about the beating.

As Ziva felt asleep the two of them left the room quietly. Daniel led Jenny to some kind of kitchen, just next to Ziva's room. He prepared some tea and seated himself up opposite to Jenny. Only then he started his story.

"It took me almost month to get anything out of her. I heard she wasn't too sharing even before her Mossad training..."

"So you were together in Mossad training??" Jenny jumped in.

"Yes, there's where we met. She was going to be field operative and I always inclined to research and organizing so our path weren't overlapping that much" he explained.

"And now you taking care of her??" there was distrust in Jenny's voice. She believed Daniel to be in love with Ziva and it would complicate everything a lot.

"It's not like I'm in love with her" but Jenny throw him a look even Gibbs wouldn't have to be ashamed of, so Daniel explained further.

"You see, I worked closely with her father. I proved myself quite useful, so I promoted quickly" he wasn't bragging, he just stated facts. Slowly, he was getting to the point

"I was there the day we found out she was taken. He never even winced, like it wasn't even his agent, let alone his child. He didn't even push the issue of possible rescue. He dismissed this whole matter immediately" he shook his head like he still couldn't believe it ever happened "It was terrible, I remembered the girl that wanted nothing more then her father approval and he just didn't care" there was obvious disgust in his voice.

"Together with two other analysts which knew Ziva as well we worked under director's radar to recover her. We were working this terrorist case luckily already, so we found her in two months time"

"Oh, God" Jenny was shocked "They had her for two months??" Jenny has had her part of field work and she knew how hard it is to survive just hours like prisoner not to mention being interrogated. It was beyond most people's abilities.

"Honestly, I'm quite sure she didn't tell me what all they did to her. Most of it was obvious, but there are still some blank moment I believe she won't be able to share with anyone" Here he stopped for a moment. He lost himself in his dark thoughts as he stared from the window "It was awful, you know" he turned back to Jenny "I wasn't there when they recovered her, but I spoke to their leader. Even he, as experienced field operative, was shaken up. He just told it was some dark hole they hold her in. He seemed nauseated just by remembering it. To tell the truth, I think I don't want to know"

Once he started the words were flowing fast "I was there when they brought her to hospital. You can't even imagine what she looked like. It was like someone tied her behind truck, dragged her whole day through desert and repeated it next day. How could anyone do this to another human being?? She was half what she is now and we both know it isn't much" There were actually tears in his eyes.

"I've got daughter myself and imagining something like this would ever happen to her" he shook his head.

"It took Ziva three months only to get out of the hospital and it was still on wheelchair. We all thought she has got the worst behind her, but then her father came to the scene. He never visited during her stay in hospital" Jenny felt, that if Eli David entered the room now Daniel would probably kill him right there without hesitation. And to be honest, the more she knew, the more she was convinced she would cover for him.

"So, the father of the year decided, that Ziva in the state she was in, had to work with the investigating team. She had to face her torturers basically every day, interrogate them. When she was still using the crutches he sent her to the camp she was hold in to recover some evidence. She came back even worse, if it was possible. Physically, of course, she was gaining some strength, but her mental condition was worse then ever. She was having terrible nightmares, refused to fall asleep, wasn't able to stay in room with closed doors and was working her ass off. It whole lasted five months till she finally refused to eat and she collapsed.

While she was still in hospital I had little tete-a-tete with Eli and finally the headquarter of the terrorist investigation was moved here. I had to broke Eli's nose before he let me bring Ziva with me. Since then I'm trying to take care of her, but she still feels there is something she has to prove to her father. Poor girl, she was one of the reasons I made this investigation international in hope we can close it as fast as possible. I still haven't informed Eli about US and other countries being involved in this mess. He is probably going to chew my ass off for it. And he will blame Ziva for allowing it...."

Jenny now felt the anger too. She knew the way Eli treated her daughter would kill anyone else but Ziva. She will take care of her, it is sure. Ziva belongs back to US. She needs team of specialist and Jenny was already in her mind making list of persons owing her favor or two. She considered involving Ducky, but dismissed the idea immediately.

But she was still NCIS director and she was here professionallly.

"Anyhow" she started the conversation again "tell my why are we being involved in it all??" It was unusual even for national agencies to cooperate.

"Now it is getting interesting" Daniel said mystically "You see, all Ziva was questioned about for whole two months was NCIS. It was her work in US that blow her cover. The terrorist group were after some US military target. We are still not able to discover exactly which, but we are sure they were going to infiltrate US Navy. They just needed some information about NCIS security. They actually had one mole inside, but she was discover by one of your agents. DiNozzo, I believe...

**OK, so it is not real cliffhanger....but I guess I managed to piss you out a little.....but remember, if you kill me, I won't be able to continue;)**

**Next: the memories continue....**


	6. Long way home

**Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah.....**

**There goes second (and final) part of Jenny's memories. **

**I've spent great three hours in train on my way home writing the most important scene of the story....Too bad it is on paper and I have to get in to computer...it always takes me so much time:(**

DiNozzo, I believe... Ziva was on his team, this is why she was on their radar." Jenny couldn't believe, what she heard, her agency A TARGET??? Impossible...And Ziva being targeted because of her involvement with NCIS, it was just sick.

But for now, Jenny was in full Director Shepard mode.

"Did Ziva told them anything??" Jenny really wanted to believe that she stayed silent, but after two months of torture even Ziva had right to break. But Daniel words made her so proud.

"From what we found out she stayed silent"

"Not a word??" It was too good to be truth.

"No" Daniel assured.

"How did she survive so long time?? They should get rid of her the moment they realized she won't break"

"I suppose also that's the reason why Director David believe she had to spoke and that's why he is riding so hard, son of the bitch..."

"So why do they keep her alive???"

"She was still very valuable prisoner. They were planning on swapping her. We found, well Ziva did, when she was back there, discover blackmailing scheme planned on you. There was tape ready and everything....We also found plans of NCIS building with what we believe to be plans to kill agent DiNozzo. I don't know this guy, but I believe he owes Ziva big time"

"There is no way Tony will ever find out" they were both shocked by Ziva standing by the door.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm just hungry" she explained her late visit to the kitchen.

"Actually, I could use some dinner too" Jenny suddenly realized how late it was.

"OK, ladies, so I'll leave you alone, then" Daniel decided that leaving the room was the easiest way to finish this conversation.

"Director Shepard" he turned to the red-head.

"It's Jenny" she corrected.

"Jenny" he smiled at her "your room is ready. It is two floors below. I'll make sure someone will be here, say, in about half an hour to lead you there" then he turned to Ziva" You, eat something and than back to bed"

"Yes, mommy" Daniel was so glad Ziva was starting to be comfortable around him.

With goodnight wishes he was out.

Jenny wanted to ask Ziva so many questions, but she knew too well Ziva needed her rest, so they dined quietly with only small talk about their common friends. Of course Jenny never told Ziva, how many disappointment she caused. As weeks turned into months the team changed from anxious to angry and finally resigned and no one could blame them for that. The way Ziva left was inexcusable.

Since she was under Daniel's care she considered contacting Jenny and Abby back home, but every time she sat down to computer to wrote e-mail, something stopped her. She couldn't imagine message she would wrote: 'Hi, Abs! How was your year? Mine sucked, I was captured and almost tortured to death and then cruelly used by my father, but otherwise I'm having great time back in Israel. Send my love to Ducky'

Yeah, Abby would definitely love that. But what stopped her most was the fact she didn't want the guys to find out. So she always promised herself to wrote to Abby next day and one day she just gave up.

In exactly half an hour young girl, Jenny guessed she wasn't more then fifteen, entered the room asking for Director Shepard.

"I'm almost ready" she answered "Let me just finish my tea" and she swallowed the rest of the tea. The girl was carefully watching Ziva.

"Is something wrong??" Jenny asked confused. It was Ziva who answered.

"No, Ami is just worried I will pass out on her watch and Daniel will blame her. He can be kind of pain in the ass about that" Ami blushed little bit and suddenly found her shoes very interesting. Jenny smiled at the girl sympathetically.

"So, Ami, let's walk Ziva together to her bedroom and then you can show me mine" Ami smiled gratefully and with "Yes, ma'am" lead the way enthusiastically.

With international involvement it was matter of days till they discovered sleeper cells in US and Britain. As they suspected Eli showed himself unannounced, didn't ask for results, just yelled for whole hour at anyone in reach and then went out to look for Ziva. Daniel exchanged worried look with Jenny and she run after him. Unfortunately she was too late and she found her friend curled on the ground crying.

"Ziva, he is not worth it" she stated without ceremony.

"He is my father" was all explanation she got out of her.

"It still don't give him right to destroy you." Jenny wished she could just scream out loud all anger she felt towards the older men, but she realized, he was last family Ziva had left and it will take some time to convince her to left him behind.

"Listen" Jenny said slowly "you don't have to answer right now, just think about that. I'll use all my connections to get you back to US, just say the word and I will start working on it"

"I can't, I'm back home" but she didn't sound too convincing "I'm doing for what I was rose" in that she really believed.

"I know, Zi" Jenny understood "but you need help. I believe that deep inside you know that. Whenever you change your mind just give me call and I will have you back in US ASAP."

It was actually last conversation they had when Jenny was in Israel. Ziva hold herself back, she spent all her time working hard. She didn't want to talk to Jenny. The temptation was too big. Every memory of her father gave her every reason to pack her bag and leave but memories of her sister and every person who died for the land hold her back. She never came to give Jenny goodbye when she was leaving. Jenny was disappointed but definitely wouldn't let go. She called Ziva in matter of days.

"Hi. How are you" was the usual phrase.

"Fine" Ziva didn't change a bit.

"Did you uncovered the sleeper in UK??" Jenny knew too well they did, but it was way to keep the conversation going.

"Yes, I'm still working on possible connections, but we believe we uncover everything."

"It's great to hear" Jenny was keeping the conversation light.

"Jenny" Ziva wasn't fooled "why are you calling.

She decided to go with the truth "I'm checking on you. Hope you don't have problem with that"

"You shouldn't" it was hard to dismiss such good friend.

"I'm worried about you, let me help you" Jenny pushed.

"I'm doing fine, just let it go" Ziva fought the temptation with anger.

"I won't" Jenny assured and Ziva hung up. The next call from director's office was to Daniel. He gave her truthful insight on Ziva's condition and it left her little bit more worried. As she was talking to him, Gibbs entered her office the usual way – unannounced.

"I just wish I could be there" was Jenny's part of the conversation, it was all Gibbs could hear. Jenny then listened for while and she answered with "There is so many things I could do" Gibbs listened curiously and pointed his gaze towards the red head when she finished the phone call with "Thanks, Daniel, I will"

Gibbs raised his eyebrow and asked

"You made some new friends while in Israel??"

"Agent Gibbs" she greeted coldly. She wasn't in mood for their word fights.

"Director Shepard" he paid back with the same attitude.

"Cut it off, what do you want" her body language screamed 'Please leave'. On one side she wanted to tell him everything, let him help the person he cared about, on the other side she knew that if she broke Ziva's trust she would never even consider any kind of assistance.

"Who were you talking to" he went closer to her with every word. Their relationship have changed since she came back from sick leave. It was little bit harder for both them keep it completely professional.

"Daniel is...." she looked for good words that wouldn't betray anything "he is friend" such a cliché....

"It didn't sound like that"

"Leave it" it was long day and she was exhausted "What do you want??" she repeated the question.

"I went here to ask you for dinner" he said "but you seem preoccupied" he turned to leave.

"Jethro" she stopped him. He turned back to her awaiting an answer. She hesitated for only few heartbeats.

"Just give me ten more minutes. I'll pick you up on my way out" she offered.

"Good with me" but he stopped once more in the doors, turned back in typical Gibbs'es knew-it-all manner, seemed considering something and then asked.

"By the way, how is Ziva??" Jenny stayed speechless. Of course he knew, he was Gibbs.

"Don't play dumb, you went to Israel, came back like you saw a ghost and now you have long secret conversations on the phone. Even I can put one and one together...."

"She is fine" Jenny repeated Ziva's lie lamely. Gibbs stare her down for few another very long seconds, then just shook his head "I'll wait for you, then" and as suddenly he came, he was gone.

The rest of the story was short and painful. Ziva never stayed in touch, but from Daniel Jenny had every disturbing news. In two months time Jenny got phone call that kicked her to immediate action.

Ziva was back in hospital, She collapsed in the middle of some stupid war game her father made her take part in as preparation for her new assignment. Jenny was determined to get Ziva back to US. In few days time, while Ziva was still in hospital, Jenny pulled few strings and got whole paperwork done including application for US citizenship. Then she went back to Israel and without seeing Eli she with Daniel help literally kidnapped Ziva straight from hospital.

From the airport Jenny drove her straight to the hospital, where Ziva spent another few weeks, so she never had idea what kind of legal fight Jenny put for her. Eli wasn't going to give up his daughter so easily, but when Director Shepard was set on target, there was nothing anyone could do about it. When Ziva finally came out of hospital her citizenship application was already processed and all Ziva had to do was wait for the outcome.

Ziva's health was another matter. When doctors saw her for first time they were terrified. It wasn't usual for them to treat torture victim. They worked out long recovery program and warned both women on it unsure outcome. Against Ziva's will, Jenny drag her to psychologist as well. It was first time she saw specialist since her accident, as she used to call what happened to her. Dr. Jared was Ducky's friend. Jenny asked for his opinion not mentioning Ziva, of course. Dr. Jared was military specialist for abduction victims and PTSD. Although Ziva fought Jenny hard before every shrink session, even she was noticing the changes that went into her behavior and she honestly knew it was Dr. Jared work.

Only think that got destroyed was Jenny – Gibbs relationship. He had to be forced to stay out of it all, so Jenny was in many occasions too harsh on purpose and they eventually fell back to professional tracks. It went so far, he even stopped visited her unexpectedly, what was the point since Ziva was staying with Jenny.

After another few months Ziva was ready to start looking for some job and NCIS was her first and hopefully only option. With Director's help becoming full time agent was only matter of time and Ziva's abilities made the process faster. Ziva wanted to stay in DC, mostly because of Jenny, who made her feel safe. Spot on Gibbs'es team was over the plan, but she was determined to get it.

Jenny tried to dissuade her from this, because she knew the mood in the team. During two years time they were assigned three female agent and two guys-probies. Neither of them survived more then three months in this hostile environment. The last of them literally run away crying. So for almost last half year she left them one member short. Luckily for them, it never showed on their arrest rate, so Jenny had no reason to interfere. Now she was worried about her friend in fragile condition as she was in...

**Next: we are going back to present time**


	7. Almost on my best

**Disclaimer: I don't owe anything.**

**A/N I never asked for reviews but it is slightly disappointing to find only one after longest chapter so far, isn't it???**

**We are back in reality**...

Jenny took one last sip of the alcohol. It was six in the morning and she was exhausted. Midnights conversations with Ziva had always that effect on her. She gave up every hope on sleep and went upstairs to get a shower. When she came back down, she found Ziva eating some breakfast

.

"Did you get any sleep??" she asked her red-head friend.

Jenny considered lying for a while, but then just shook her head "Nope"

"I'm sorry" Ziva hated the was she was interfering with her friend's life.

"It's OK, it wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have started with the whiskey" she smiled and Ziva smiled back at her.

"I'm telling you that for ten years now"

.oOo.

They got to work even before Gibbs that day and were surprised to find Ducky there. Jenny turned to Ziva and whispered "Maybe it is some kind of sign" she suggested but didn't pressure her. When they parted Ziva went straight to autopsy.

"Ziva, my dear, what are you doing so early today" the ME welcomed her as warmly as ever.

"We were too tired to go to sleep anyway..."

"We??" Ducky asked.

"Jenny and me." she explained "we talked through night..."

"And what were you talking about??" he didn't really expected Ziva to answer. But he honestly cared. Ziva considered Jenny's advice and Ducky's concern. Finally she decided to give it a try.

"I'll tell you over the dinner if you are free tonight" It wasn't completely selfless act. Dr. Jared told her, she could finish the therapy the moment she will be able to admit to others what happened to her. It was time to give it a shot.

"I will be honored" and for the first time Ziva wasn't completely freaked out about the idea of talking about her being captured.

"Honored to do what, Duck??" as usual Gibbs walked in when no one expected him.

"To join our Israeli at dinner" the ME answered.

"Glad to see you feel better, David" the reprimand didn't sound so severe as it used to. Ziva managed to answer with smile.

"Almost on my best, Boss, but I'm getting there" It wasn't common for Gibbs to be render speechless, but he studied Ziva quietly for a while and finally approved with a nod.

"Ducky, what did you found out??"

"Our guest here was treated very badly, Jethro. She didn't die till 6 am. She was cut, drugged, burned, beaten and raped. But final cause of death is exsanguination."

"What do you make out of this, Duck?"

"That we are dealing with very disturbed person here..." but Ziva interrupted him

"I'd say we are dealing with skilled interrogator here." It was her first initiative movement since she came back and both men turned to her interested. She was still holding autopsy report in front of her, opened.

The way the injuries were made. They were supposed to inflict pain but not kill. Not immediately, at least." Ziva has been on both side of the interrogation and her insight was more valuable then any in the room guessed.

"Did she had any important intel, was she handling any secret documents??" Ducky asked.

"Nothing that we found out" Gibbs answered.

Silence filled the room for a while, until Ziva finished reading report.

"On the other hand, the severity of the injuries during first interrogation session is bit off for someone so experienced. The person would know better then to show all his tricks from the beginning. She would be very quickly in and out of consciousness. Also the rape and the fact she was left alive would suggest someone did it for..." Ziva paused like she needed to consider the right word for a while "...for pure pleasure."

"Good work, Ducky" Gibbs said after checking the report "And interesting deduction, David" Ziva blushed after such a compliment.

"Let's check what Abby got" and with that he left. Ziva stayed behind for a little while, turned back to Ducky "Seven o'clock, Doctor??"

Ducky nodded in agreement and Ziva run after Gibbs.

"Gibbs" Abby welcomed in her usual very cheerful manner "you are late" most of her machines were calling for attention with loud beeping.

"Sorry, Abs, I was hold back with Ducky and Ziva"

"Morning Ziva" Abby welcomed the Israeli just entering her lab. The welcome was little colder than towards Gibbs, but Abby could never stay too long angry at anyone. She also remembered Director's words when she reprimanded her for misbehaving towards Ziva

"Believe me" she said then "she spared you lots of worries by not contacting you earlier. And between us, with your perceptive nature I'm more then sure you know it wasn't you she avoided" it was almost all assurance Abby needed.

"So, what do you got, Abs" surprisingly the words came from Ziva as well as the Caf-Pow.

"Smooth move, David" and she grabbed the not-at-all-first Caf-Pow that morning with friendly wink towards Ziva.

"I've got found partial fingerprint on the scene" she explained between sips "I'm running it through databases right now, but I've got already seven matches so far....make it eight" the computer just beeped

"The duct tape found on the scene was very common one, you can get it in any supermarket, so no luck there. In PFC Holland's blood I've found traces of rohypnol, probably used to overpower her and some coffeine-like drug I haven't matched yet....someone wanted her to be awake and alert whole time"

"So you got nothing" Gibbs interrupted Abby's coffeine-induced babling.

"You are hurting me, Gibbs" she gave him her best I-would-never-expected-that-from-you look "I've got this" she waved with seemingly empty evidence bag.

"Hair??" Ziva was first to notice.

"Short, blond, definitely not Lisa's, stuck in her belt" she stopped and pointed at Gibbs "You find me anything to match it with and I'll will give you yours beyond-reasonable-doubts evidence"

"Keep digging, Abs" And once again Gibbs left room without even goodbye.

As they arrived back to the squad room Tony and McGee were already in there. Tim smiled at Ziva friendly, Tony only welcomed Gibbs. To his excuse, he spent half the night digging through PFC Holland life and found she was as dangerous as newborn. This with their recently gained intel proved theory of Lisa being killed only for pure pleasure of some sick existence. The bad news was they had nothing to go on. Anyone could stalked Lisa or even worse she could be chosen by chance.

The team spent boring day tracing all Lisa's movements on her last day, arguing, watching and rewatching security tapes from different places, arguing, interviewing witnesses and once more arguing. They argued about everything, even the way Lisa wore her uniform, but the arguments were the creative type which usually brought new ideas. All except the one between Ziva and Tony in the evening.

"There has to be some guy, boyfriend, refused lover...anyone. C'mon, it was definitive crime of passion" Tony repeated for hundredth time this day and was driving mad not only Ziva.

"Tony, not every woman needs man to be happy" Ziva repeated again.

"But look at her, she was young, good looking, had job...There would be dozens of men knocking on her door."

"Maybe she liked being alone, there are millions of reasons for her not hooking up" 'Like not trusting man anymore or there was something she didn't want anyone to see' she thought to herself.

"Everyone needs little making up every now and then, David" Tony was convinced of his truth and, well, he liked arguing with Ziva. But before he could take another breath Gibbs ended his reasoning with head-slap.

"Take your brain out of your pants, DiNozzo"

Before Tony could answer with his now perfected "Will do, Boss" Ducky entered the scene.

"I'm with Ziva on this one, further examination explored that our late PFC was a virgin before attack"

He caught everyone attention. The ME like nothing happened placed completed report on Gibbs'es desk and turned to Ziva.

"I guess we will have to postpone our dinner, my dear"

**Next: The dinner and something more:) but I promise it is getting warmer....**


	8. The Dark Side

**Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine**

**OK, it's getting hot in here (slowly, but don't worry)....hope you will enjoy it, I enjoyed writing this a lot....**

"I guess we will have to postpone our dinner, my dear"

"No, Ducky" she stood up "I believe we are done for today" she looked at Gibbs questioningly.

"Go" he allowed "DiNozzo, McGee, you go home too. We start fresh tomorrow." and he lost himself in Ducky's final report.

Ducky and Ziva went to small restaurant close to Ziva's apartment. The beginning small talk was soon over and the moment they were brought dinner Ziva took deep breath.

"OK, there is no easy way to say it, so I just will"

And say she did. She talk almost for hour interrupted only by short Ducky's 'Oh my-s'. He saved all questions for the end and she answered them truthfully. The salad she ordered lied almost untouched on the side as she described every single terrible detail of her capture. She didn't hope it would go so easy, but Ducky was such a compassionate listener and great friend she never even considered concealing anything.

When she finished she have never felt better for two years. It was like someone took huge weight out of her shoulders and she could breath freely again. For first time she wasn't violently sick to her stomach just by remembering what happened to her. Now she understood what Dr. Jared meant by talking to people she trusted. Of course she talked to Jenny, but she knew everything from the beginning so there was no need for her to express her experiences in words. With one last sad smile to Ducky she finally started her salad and listened to his version of agency scuttlebutt as the doctor tried to lighten the mood.

It was well after midnight when Ducky walked her home and although she slept only few hours she woke up happy and shining. As she arrived to the work next morning she went straight to Jenny's office.

"Ziva, you are here early" she welcomed.

"Yep" she smiled at her.

"And you are smiling" she observed.

"Yep" was again Ziva's answer.

"And you are spending way too much time with Gibbs" They both laughed out loud till Ziva said

"I did it, I talked to Ducky"

"And??" Jenny was seriously curious.

"I told him everything and he is still, well...Ducky"

"Ziva, I'm so proud of you"

"I'm going to see Doctor Jared today" Ziva continued.

"You are going to finish your sessions then?"

"Yep" Ziva smiled for excuse and continued "but she helped me so much, I want you to know that I know that"

"Then go on, we all agreed on that" and Ziva left for squad room. Gibbs was just arriving holding his morning coffee.

"David, do you ever sleep??"

"Actually, I slept wonderfully tonight" he looked at her with doubt, but choose to stay quiet. Smile on Ziva's face was definitely good sign. Anyway, he didn't have time to react anyway, because the rest of the team was arriving.

They spent another few days on nothing till they finally admit their defeat. They hated leaving any case unsolved but there was nothing they could do about that. The helpless part didn't last very long. Exactly one week after the first one another body was found.

This time it was young Ensign, just out of Annapolis. Joanna Smith was found tortured to death in the basement of the house she was sharing with another woman, lieutenant, working in the same PR office. The young woman was shocked to find her friend like that when she came home after weekend spent with her family. Just by the expression on the first responders faces Gibbs got the feeling what was going on.

"David, the witnesses, McGee, DiNozzo, with me" and the men left Ziva alone outside. She made herself busy immediately and in half on hour she knew Ensign Joanna Smith was exact opposite of PFC Holland. She was well known in her neighborhood by organizing loud parties and dating at least three men in the same time. At work her performance was little below average, but she was getting by. Although both victims lived in the same neighborhood, there was no way they knew each other.

The Team was starting to be desperate. Having serial killer on the loose was bad enough, but having no clue about how to get him...that was desperate. All they had was two mutilated bodies and blond hair.

They once again started the boring job of interviewing people that knew Jo (as she was called). As the opposite to PFC Holland, where they came empty-handed, in this case they had at least dozen of suspects, but no one who would know both girls. It was fourth day since the second murder when Ziva suddenly said.

"I think I've found him" she was watching and rewatching and rewatching videos from different sources covering last days of both young women lives. She clicked for a while on her computer, till Gibbs drop a hint.

"Today, David, we are not getting any younger" she took deep breath (she was still uncomfortable with audience, even though it was only her team) stood in the middle of the room and started.

"There you see PFC Holland" she pointed on the security video she put on the plasma. The young PFC was in the Starbucks getting probably her last coffee.

"And behind her, notice that guy" she pointed towards corner of the video, there was blond guy, in his forties, seemingly in the line for coffee.

"So??" Tony asked "I guess dozens of blond guys buy there coffee every day"

"Wait for it" and she changed the videos using remote controller.

"Now, here, you see Ensign Smith on gas station and watch this" and really, in the back of the store there was seemingly the same guy as in the first video.

"Might be coincidence" Tony doubted and Gibbs threw him one of his famous glares "I know, you don't believe in coincidences..." he sat back down and hang his head down. He couldn't bare to be bettered by Ziva, not now.

"Great work, David, get this down to Abby to see if she can work any of her magic..." but McGee interrupted Gibbs appreciation.

"Already done, sending to her right now"

"DiNozzo, do you have anything??" Gibbs turned to his last agent.

"I have...." he clicked furiously on his computer "...nothing" he admitted. He was following some money trail, but obviously Ensign Smith just liked expensive wine.

"Then go check with Ducky"

"On it, Boss" and when he was leaving room he felt like misbehaving child being banished from playground. He didn't understand what was happening to his team. It took them more then year since Ziva left to perform the way they used to. They got even closer to each other and became inseparable. Every outsider felt hardly they distrust to anyone else. It was all Ziva's fault. And now all his comrades was skipping to the Dark Side.

First Jenny, but she was lost long time ago, then Ducky, now McGee (he was completely lost since Ziva had trusted him with shorter version of the story) and Abby was struggling. Even Gibbs seemed shaken in his faith. Now it was up to him to make the all remember what they went through because of her.

Tony spent short time with Ducky and was in the elevator on his way back up when Ziva joined him as she left Abby's lab.

"Ziva" he acknowledged her presence coldly.

"Tony" she managed to smile at him.

But that smile made that, it finally managed to break Tony. The feelings of betrayal, abandonment (now, he admitted to himself he might be in love with Ziva two years ago) hit him hard. And now she was here, smiling like nothing happened. He was going to put end to that. With one smooth movement he switched the elevator off.

"Why don't you pack your innocent smile and don't go back to daddy??" Tony attacked.

"My home is now here" she said defensively. She was surprised by the sudden attack, but was able to cope, especially after her dinner with Ducky she was gaining some of her confidence back. But such a direct attack was still too much to bear. She tried switch the elevator back on, but Tony blocked her way with his body.

On the small room in the elevator there was nothing she could do to prevent bumping onto him. The body contact invoked in Tony another wave of feelings in which never fulfilled desire took the charge.

The way she dressed and behaved now wouldn't tempt even schoolboy, but he still remembered her from two years ago too well and only her everyday presence drove all his senses off. The infamous bikini photo was still safely hidden in his drawer. He reacted instinctively....

**I guess I'm getting better with cliffhanger, don't I???**

**Next: The elevator scene and what happened after....(Honestly, next chapter was the scene that inspired me to this whole story...)**


	9. The insticts we have

**Disclaimer: If they were mine....wow, I'm daydreaming again....Sorry;)**

**A/N I couldn't keep you waiting any longer and I can't wait for your reactions....**

His mind became clouded as he felt her warm body pressed against his and he reacted instinctively by pressing her back to the wall of the elevator. He was bending down to finally kiss her when he was brought back to reality in very cruel way.

Ziva also reacted instinctively (her instincts were modified by two months being captured) and her knee went straight to his crotch. When he band down in pain her elbow connected with his nose and broke it with loud crack.

Even through tears Tony could see something was wrong with Ziva. The physical reaction was right and he probably deserved this. But she was paler then death, shaking uncontrollably and there also were tears in her eyes. It took her three tries till she finally switched the elevator back on. The moment the doors opened she was out.

Gibbs and McGee noticed their coworker in distress and they automatically went to her, but before they could even stand up from their chairs, she disappeared in Jenny's office. All they could do was watch Tony half crawling half walking out off the elevator. His face was covered in blood and he still wasn't sure the world didn't loose the chance of ever seeing baby-DiNozzo's.

"Care to explain, DiNozzo??" Gibbs was trying to understood what was going on.

"Not really" Tony did his best try on boyish smile. McGee just shook his head. He was in full knight-on-the-white-horse mode.

"What did you do to her, she was doing allright this week." he attacked. Gibbs and Tony turned to him.

"What do you know, Tim??" Gibbs asked. He hesitated for a moment.

"Not my story to tell" he finally answered.

"So, there is story to this all" Gibbs was glad his gut was once again correct. Tim just looked worriedly at director's office doors. Gibbs gave Tony one last look.

"McGee, take care of this.....creature" he was referring to Tony's bloody face and crooked nose "Call Ducky, if you need to" and he was already on his way up to Jenny's office.

He passed Cynthia without even looking at her. She learned her lesson by now and didn't bother to try to stop him. As he broke in he saw Jenny closing the bathroom door. She faced him with her most severe Director's look.

"Agent Gibbs, I don't appreciate your agents attacking each other" she was seriously pissed and he was the scape-goat on the hand.

"I don't appreciate my agents having secrets in front of me" he paid with the same coin.

"Like you have never had any secrets" she was staring him down.

"None that would affect my performance, ma'am" he never lost any points in the staring duel. Jenny's expression changed in somewhat amused, but she didn't answer.

They would be able to stare each other forever but they were interrupted by sound of someone being violently sick in the bathroom. Gibbs was first to make a move for bathroom, but Jenny was fast enough to stop his progress.

"I don't think so, Agent Gibbs" she blocked the door.

"Get out of my way, Jenny" there was something in his voice that can be considered a threat. To be honest to Gibbs, he was just worried about Ziva and was tired of being lied to. He had plenty theories about what could happen to her, but reaction like that beat even the worst of them. Right now, he was even considering rough force to get to his target.

"Agent Gibbs" Jenny saw very clearly all warning signs in his expression. She also knew too well Ziva would be so embarrassed if she let anyone to see her in the state she was in "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE" she ordered as calmly as possible in this situation.

He didn't move a bit.

"Jethro" she tried.

He didn't move a bit.

"NOW!!!!!!!!!!" she tried again in bossy way.

He didn't move a bit.

"Or should I call security??" she was running out of ideas.

"You wouldn't" finally, some reaction.

"Try me" she wasn't joking.

"Ma'am" he knew he lost. There was no way to push harder. The longer they argue, the longer Ziva was alone in bathroom. He bowed his head barely noticeably and left without other word.

Jenny knew it will cost her huge time some day, but right now she locked the doors safely and went to her friend. She was a mess.

"Zi..." she knelt next to her and hugged her comfortably. There was nothing she could say. Ziva threw up one last time and finally with Jenny's help she managed to walk to the couch on which she collapsed in tears. Jenny never left her side as she sobbed.

"I've thought I'm safe here"

"You are"

"I've thought I can do that"

"You can"

"I've thought they will forgive me"

"They will...most of them already did" She looked up at Jenny but the tears were still flowing on her face.

"I've beaten one of them. After scene like that they will pack my ass back to Israel immediately. And to be honest, I'm not quite sure right now I would mind"

**Sorry, it's shorter than usual, I was just so keen to publish....**

**Next: another Gibbs/Jenny duel **


	10. The guilt inside

**Disclaimer: The usual**

**Let's see what's on Ziva's mind.**

"I've beaten one of them. After scene like that they will pack my ass back to Israel immediately. And to be honest, I'm not quite sure right now I would mind"

Jenny looked scared at her and Ziva continued.

"I can deal with ignorance and disappointment, I deserved it, but such a cold blooded hatred...I just can't"

But it wasn't just the hatred that scared her. The desire she saw in Tony's eyes maybe scared her even more. The way she was raped and her mutilated body never let her consider to allow anyone to get as close as even touching her now. And she knew her reputation and her family connections back in Israel can in some way protect her from anyone trying to get close to her.

"Just don't do anything you would regret at any point" Jenny interrupted Ziva dark thoughts "Give it time" she asked just for that.

"Now" she continued "do you still have your pills for panic attack with you??" Jenny knew Ziva never took them, but on Dr. Jared advice she carried them with her everywhere.

"In my bag, but I won't take them"

"We will see about that" and by phone she ordered Cynthia to get Ducky up there and to bring Ziva's bag with him. It took him while to get there, he was attending Tony's broken nose. As he knocked on the doors Jenny checked carefully (she knew Gibbs too well) who was there before opening them and she locked the doors again immediately after Ducky was in.

"How are you doing, my dear??" he turned his whole attention to Ziva.

"She is scared and pig-headed" Jenny answered for her as she was going through Ziva's bag to find the pills. When she did she gave them to Ducky.

"How is he" Ziva asked with shaking voice. "I mean, Tony, how is he"

"He will live, my dear" Ducky dismissed "I'm not quite sure about his pride, but lets worry about you now"

"But I broke his nose"

"That you did, and I have to say in very elegant manner" you could always count on Ducky to make comment like that. But when he saw Ziva's expression he explained

"Don't worry, I've sent him with Timothy to ER, but we can still hope you managed to beat some sense into him, what do you think" Ducky was still above it all.

"Now take two of these and our Director can drive you safely home"

She was to exhausted to argue so she obeyed mindlessly. When they arrived home, Jenny waited for Ziva to get ready to bed, when she suddenly came out of bedroom holding huge stack of files.

"Jenny, this is probably too much to ask, but would you take these to Gibbs?"

"Why??" Jenny wasn't following.

"There is no way to excuse my behavior today, but after reading these he may at least try to understand." she explained and placed all the files in front of Jenny. She checked the files out. There were all classified case reports, reports of Ziva capture, some interrogation transcribes, even Ziva's medical files from Israel.

"Why me??" Jenny asked.

"I can do this if you don't want to, but I believe you owe that to him" Ziva may have survived two worst years of her life, but she was still very observant. Jenny smiled at her thoughtfulness. It might make up for some mess she caused today by throwing Gibbs out of her office.

"I think I can do this" Jenny appreciated this more than words can say.

"Then go" Ziva encouraged.

"Now??"

"Why wait??" she assured "and I'm going to sleep anyway"

"But..." Jenny was still concerned about Ziva's well-being.

"If...only IF I woke up having nightmare, I'll walk it off by myself, I can do this" Ziva was convincing not only Jenny. She finally surrendered and got ready to leave. By the doors she stopped and ordered

"Take tomorrow off, think everything over"

"I will and I will let you know" she turned back to the bedroom, she was so tired after today, but still managed to wave to her friend "And Jenny, good luck"

"I think I will need it" Jenny whispered to already closed door.

.oOo.

Jenny parked in front of Gibbs'es house. It was all dark but she knew too well he was in the basement anyway. She suddenly realized she was nervous. She sat for another while in the car. She knew the way she has treated him since Ziva was back in US was mean, but there was no other way around it. She just hoped he wouldn't throw her right out. As she finally got out of the car, she went straight for the basement. There was no surprise in finding him working on the boat.

"Ma'am, I can't say I'm glad to see you" he never looked up from his work. She walked down the stairs and put all the files on nearest free space she found.

"I won't interrupt your work... You just should read this...If you want, of course" and she turned to leave.

"Wait" he was immediately between her and the stairs. She froze on the spot.

"What are these??" there was scotch in his breath.

"Files" was her daring answer, but she suddenly felt the need to get out. The mood in the room was below freezing point. How she wanted to be safely in her car. She expected this to be unpleasant, but this was....just too much.

"Stay" he ordered for the second time as he reached out for the files. She forced herself not to run away. He checked some of the files and when he realized what they contained he turned, walked to the back of the room for the bottle. Jenny never realized from where he got clean glass that was now full of scotch in her hands.

"Would you keep me company??" he was the first to offer peace. There was no need for long apologies. He accepted the facts and considered her coming clean as sufficient redemption.

"You should do it alone" to be honest, she was little bit scared of his reaction when he will find out the whole truth they were hiding from him.

"I want you to stay" he told the truth as he seated himself to the table and started to read.

She hesitated for while longer, but she knew now it was as good as it ever going to be. So she seated herself on the stairs. Only then she noticed she was still wearing her best working suit. At least she took off her shoes, the heels were killing her. She straightened her leg comfortably and took long sip of the alcohol. It warmed her and soothed her nerves.

She didn't know how long they've spent like that. She refiled her glass few times. Gibbs never looked up from the files, not single movement betrayed his emotion while reading. To be honest she wasn't sure he was even breathing anymore.

She was half drunk and half asleep as he seated himself next to her without a word. She automatically rested her head on his shoulder and he hugged her in seek for comfort for both of them. Finally, he broke the silence and admitted.

"I've always known she was though, but that..."

"I know" she whispered and once again silence filled the room. It lasted for a while till he noticed she was crying. She finally could allow herself moment of weakness. She needed to be strong for Ziva for so long and now she knew that if she fell there was someone who would pick her up.

She was so exhausted from the battles she fought alone for Ziva. She wouldn't have it any other way, but right now she felt safe and she knew she could allow herself be weak for a while. Gibbs didn't say a word just hold her while she was crying the way she hold Ziva so many times before. They both felt the same irrational guilt for not insisting on staying in touch, for not pressuring Eli to gave up her location. She could be spared so much suffering....and they as well. Finally Gibbs interrupted the silence.

"You are in no shape to drive, I'll let you have my bed tonight"

"I can grab a cab" but there was no heart in this argument.

"If you really want to" and not waiting for answer he was already walking her up and to the house.

At the door of the bedroom she turned to him.

"Jethro..." her voice was quiet and deep. The room suddenly grow smaller as he moved closer to her

"Yes?" he asked in the same mood. But there was obvious mischievous spark in her eyes.

"I allowed Ziva day off tomorrow, I hope it is OK with you" with her so-innocent voice she cooled the room temperature few degrees, but it never went as far as to be uncomfortable as Gibbs couldn't help but chuckle.

"Next time my agent is concerned ask me first" he didn't loose a beat.

"I'll try" she promised, but they both know it were just words. "Goodnight anyway" and she closed the door at his face. He shook his head unbelievingly but was still smiling as he was getting the couch ready for the night.

The next morning he was wake by weird noise. He checked the kitchen first and he found there Jenny talking to someone over the phone. She was wearing her suit skirt but had one of his NCIS hoodies over it. She was barefooted and looked like from lifetime ago. She smiled for welcome and finished the conversation.

"Morning" she said then and automatically handed Gibbs cup of coffee.

"Morning" he answered "What time it is and how is Ziva doing" he referred to the phone call.

"It's not six yet and she is fine" it was suddenly uncomfortable for her to stay in his kitchen so early in the morning. But he thought the exact opposite and was clearly enjoying the view.

"So why are you up so early??" he was clearly prolonging the conversation.

"I have to get home to shower and change" was the obvious excuse.

"I have shower here too, you know..." he offered.

"I guess so, but I don't think any of your suits would do" neither of them realized how natural it was for both of them bantering while drinking morning coffee. The years of professional relationship covered what was really important and they were still pretending. Only sometimes one comment slipped accidentally and left them both blushing

"You can always try" was one of them, that got out before could be censured.

"I'd rather not to" she tried to ignore so obvious suggestion but her guard was getting weaker by the second. She decided it was time to go. By the doors she realized something and turned back.

"And Agent Gibbs" he was surprised by the name she used.

"Yes ma'am?"

"If you are keen of your job make sure no one finds about that" she threatened. He gave her his best teasing smile.

"Ziva or you staying here tonight?" he managed to stay deadly serious whole time.

"You figure that one for yourself, Agent" she never realized how daring it sounded, she was too busy with running away from all things she could do and say and would regret in future.

**Next: Gibbs talking to Ziva and we need to move on with our case**


	11. Becoming herself again

**Disclaimer: NCIS is (regretfully) not mine.**

**We are slowly getting there...keep reading**

Jenny was safely locked in her office when Gibbs arrived to work that morning. He couldn't help but to check every now and then if she wasn't going in his direction.

The day was slow, mostly because they were two agents down and spent the day by catching up with paperwork. Gibbs was disappointed Jenny never showed, but smiled contently when after lunch he found neatly folded hoodie on his desk. McGee did his best to seem like it didn't bother him, but on first occasion he left for Abby's lab and told her everything.

Ziva was supposed to show herself on Monday. The moment she arrived Gibbs ordered.

"David, my office"

She was caught unprepared. Did she do anything wrong?? Did he after reading the files decide that they weren't able to work with her anymore??

"Boss??" she was confused.

"Now" he rushed and with her head down she followed him.

As she expected the moment doors closed he switched off the elevator.

"Take off your sweater" she was just staring at him like he felt out of Moon.

"Today, David" there was something clearly on his mind "I know you wear top under it, so don't look so distressed" He needed to see it all with his eyes, he hoped that by some stupid mistake there will be nothing but smooth skin. He saw the photos in her medical file and there was still hope they just exaggerated. She understood where he was going with this and obeyed the order.

The moment he saw her bruised skin all hope was gone. The burnmarks and scars on her body made this whole ordeal terribly real. He didn't want to even imagine how would rest of her body look like. It was too much even for him to bear, so he lifted his gaze and fixated it on her eyes. She then slowly lifted her look too, till it met his.

The eye connection did the trick. She felt into his embrace, sobbing. He soothed her when she cried the way her father never did. How easier it whole would be for her if her father hold her like that, kissed her forehead and promised in calm voice that everything is going to be fine from now. It felt so natural, like when father shows his little girl there are no monsters under the bed. From the older man embrace she was gaining her confidence back, she was becoming herself again.

She never knew how long they've been locked in the elevator. She just knew she probably shed last tears for the past there. She realized there still be some monsters under her bed, but she was able to deal with them now. They finally parted and she covered herself again. Her body was one of the monsters that still scared her little bit. Gibbs turned to start the elevator back on and before she realized what was going on, he head slapped her.

For the first time, she didn't scream, didn't cry, didn't freeze. She turned to him with question in her eyes.

"For not telling me sooner" were his last words before he left the elevator.

.oOo.

Finally good days started for Ziva. The ones that knew her story didn't question her loyalty anymore. She did the ultimate sacrifice for all of them and they knew she would take it the whole way without hesitation. Abby was not told the whole story, just very softened version of it, but all assuring she needed was seeing Gibbs trusting Ziva unconditionally and all her doubts were gone forever.

Tony on the other hand hold himself back. He spent some more time on sick leave at first and when he came back he was shocked by the change. It was like the time came backwards and last two years never happened, but his broken heart reminded him painfully, that they did.

He was smart enough to know, that Gibbs trusting Ziva meant there was something that gained her the trust back. But there was something else going on, something he couldn't put his finger around. The way everyone used to check on Ziva how she was doing or ask her if she was fine, it was just off.

He definitely wasn't convinced to her, once broken heart heals very slowly, but he decided to lay low for now and wait for opportunity. He knew it will came one day and he will have chance for his revenge.

From his thoughts he was ripped by the phone call. He had to concentrate hard to get anything from Abby's cheerful babbling.

"Boss, Abby ID-ied our suspect"

"What are we waiting then for" and they all sprinted to elevator before the doors closed.

Abby was definitely too much coffeinated, but she deserved another Caf-Pow that Gibbs handed her.

"What do you have, Abs??"

"No drum roll??" she asked disappointed.

"Abs" Gibbs warned.

"OK, but you owe me" she reminded.

"Don't I always??" he got smile for that and she clicked on her computer till they saw man's face on the computer.

"Lt. Colonel Mark Collins" she announced proudly "Dishonorably discharged about year ago for mistreating prisoners in Afghanistan"

"Mistreating??" McGee asked.

"By mistreating understand torturing" Ziva explained. They all turned to her "It is in his eyes" she whispered and was looking anywhere but on the photo. Tony was the only one not understanding and he felt it painfully.

"Good work, Abs" Gibbs turned to leave.

"You think it is all" she asked with the you-underestimate-me-again look.

"So??"

"Still no drum roll??" she tried her luck.

"Abs??" Gibbs was getting impatient.

"Lt. Colonel Collins was discharged after complain written by Private Elisabeth Thomas when she was assigned to his unit"

"Young female in military" Tony stated the obvious.

"Yep" Abby was so proud of her findings.

"Why not kill her, then??" McGee started the discussion but Abby was way ahead of them all.

"Lt. Colonel was Court Martial-ed stateside" she explained "while Private Thomas was stationed still in Afghanistan. There was no way he could hurt her"

"Where is she now??" Gibbs asked.

"Finishing her second turn in Afghanistan, by now Corporal Thomas" Abby then turned to Gibbs and handed him piece of paper "Colonel's last known address and phone number"

"Keep digging" and Gibbs once more turned to leave.

"Wait" Abby once more stopped him "The best is still to come" she was literally jumping up and down with joy. Gibbs gave her one of his gazes but she stayed quiet.

"No more words without drum roll" she announced.

Tony gave up and faked drums till Gibbs slapped him.

"Thanks, Boss" and Tony winked mischievously at Abby.

"So??"

Abby decided it was time to stop pushing her luck.

"Out of eleven matches I've got for the partial print one was Lt. Colonel Collins'es" she announced theatrically.

"Not beyond reasonable doubts" Gibbs calmed her excitement.

"AAAAAAAwwwwwwwww Gibbs, you always destroy everything" she sounded sad, but regained her good mood immediately.

"Then you" she poked Gibbs with her index finger "bring me his hair and I will sweep all doubts under carpet" she promised self-confidently.

"I take your word for this, Abs" Gibbs assured. "Can I leave now??" he asked.

"Go, you ungrateful person" she pretended to be hurt.

"I've enjoyed talking to you as well" Gibbs answered from corridor already.

**So, we will wrap up the case soon and that leaves the big finale to come. I have bit trouble writing THE SCENE between Tony and Ziva, but I'll do my best.**

**Next: chasing after Lt. Colonel**


	12. Alone with the truth

**Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah....**

**Enjoy!!!**

Their actions were immediate. They checked Colonel's last known address and every other listed with no success. So they posted state-wide alert on him while they kept digging in his past. Finally, on third day they found Colonel's only living relative, his step-sister. It took them some time to find a way to contact her, she was living in San Francisco. While deep in their work, Jenny interrupted them.

"Young Petty Officer, Cassie Markinson, was taken" she announced "We were sent this video from parking security of city mall" and she showed it on plasma. The Petty Officer was dragged to the green van with rough force. There was no doubt the kidnapper was Colonel Collins, he didn't bother with covering his identity. No doubts were also about his plans with her.

"He is getting sloppy" Gibbs observed.

"He knows we are onto him" Ziva agreed.

"So why not lay low, then??" Tony hesitated.

"He can't help himself, he needs to torture someone....anyone" Ziva explained "the female, uniform, it is just excuse, what he craves is to see someone suffer" she knew too well what thats meant. She remembered her tormentor attitude when she interrogated him. He looked her madly in the eyes and admitted cool-bloodedly in whisper.

"It was never about the information for me...You see, I'm just hired pro, who really enjoys his job"

She still felt the chill running up her spine in this moment. And to realize there were more creatures like that in the world was making her sick.

"Ziva, you call the Colonel's sister, the rest of us, we will split up and check once more all places. He usually goes to victim house, but it is out of question now. He is on the spree, he is running somewhere he is safe"

After two hours they had no clue where to look next. The felt so helpless just when they imagined what he was doing to the young Petty Officer right now. Finally Ziva called.

"I've managed to reach Collins'es sister. They are not in touch, but she remembered the cabin they father had. She claims that as little boy Mark loved it there"

"Give us the address, we will pick you up on our way up there"

After seemingly endless hour they finally arrived to the cabin. They left car safely parked behind bushes and on feet went to check the situation.

Ziva felt the rush of the adrenalin as she checked inside of the cabin through window. For the first time since her coming back to NCIS she enjoyed this part of her job. She felt safe even though she was paired up with Tony. She smoothly picked the lock and by so natural for both of them routine of covering each other they cleared two rooms. Then they met Gibbs and McGee who just cleared the kitchen. Gibbs pointed to the doors leading to the basement. With gestures Gibbs ordered Ziva to stay and cover the exit and Tony to kick the doors down.

The guys started slowly to descend from the stairs. The room was completely dark and quiet. Their flashlights stopped on the person in the middle of the room. There was completely motionless Petty Officer Markinson. Tony came closer and by checking her pulse he stated.

"Boss, she is alive" and she woke up suddenly and with scream. As Tony and Gibbs tried to calm her down the sound of someone sneaking up almost disappeared in the noise. They were brought back to reality with noise coming from upstairs.

Ziva didn't hesitate for second. As she noticed the Colonel sneaking up from the basement she got herself ready. It took her only one well placed kick to get him on the ground. She completely ignored the pain in her leg as she knelt on his chest and pointed the gun in his face.

"Just give me a reason" she dared. He checked her face with his mad eyes.

"OOOhhh, I see, you have met one of us artist. Great work, I have to say" he adored. She knocked him down with one well placed hit to his head with her gun.

"I'll show you some art" but before she could do anything she heard someone's voice from behind her.

"He in not worth it" McGee calmed. He was closest to the door and the one who rushed to help Ziva.

"He tried to escape" Ziva explaining little bit too innocently.

"It was by the book from where I stand" McGee agreed but rather took care of cuffing the suspect himself.

Meanwhile in the basement Gibbs and Tony were trying to help Cassie. She was clearly panicking and the moment they untied her she started to scream and waved her legs and fists uncontrollably around.

"Leave me alone" she collapsed on the ground but didn't stop resisting.

"We are NCIS, we are here to help" Gibbs explained calmly. Cassie seemed to calm for a while and there was something like understanding in her eyes. It changed the moment they touched her again, she freaked out immediately. She started again throwing punches around till she finally managed to hit Tony in his still hurting nose. As Tony stepped back cursing with pain, Gibbs gave up as well.

"DiNozzo, get David and call the ambulance" he ordered.

"Boss, I can handle her" no way Ziva was going to better him again.

"Ziva, now!!" Gibbs repeated in voice leaving no place for discussion and Tony did the only thing possible and obeyed.

Once outside Tony informed Ziva "Gibbs want you downstairs" but he couldn't help himself "and try not to puke on the crime scene this time" She ignored this comment and went immediately down.

It was like terrible deja-vu, dark room, no windows, and the smell, she could still remember too well...it contained blood, tears, pain, hopelessness and terrible mixture of excitement on one side and praying for death on the other. She never thought she would be able to face it again, but there she was, standing proudly and facing her worst nightmares. She checked the surrounding. In the middle of the room on the floor sat terrified Petty Officer, hugging herself and trying to seem invisible.

"Leave us" Ziva ordered Gibbs. He looked at her contently but assured anyway.

"We are just outside, waiting for ambulance"

"Thanks" she appreciated and sat on the floor next to scared woman. She was very careful not to touch her. It was rule number one she taught everyone after her capture. The second was no men. At least in the beginning. With as calm voice as she managed she started to speak to her. She whispered assuring words about her being safe now, about the life going on and being worth to live, although it doesn't seem like that in this moment.

The ambulance was already on the scene waiting for some time when Ziva walked still weeping Cassie outside. The paramedics took care of her and Ziva kept staring at the ambulance's rear lights. Tony was seated unnoticed nearby with ice bag on his face.

"Stupid chick" he commented and unluckily for him Ziva heart him.

"You have no idea what she has been through" she corrected calmly.

"Like you know everything, David" he was having bad day.

He stood up, came closer and were looking down at her. McGee noticed the scene and came between them, protecting Ziva. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"I can manage him, Tim" he took few steps out, but stayed close just in case.

Since her elevator scene with Gibbs she was finally self confident. She understood that her friends can know all her dark secrets and still take her seriously as person. She reminded herself as well that jerks like Tony she used to eat for breakfast. She took one intimidating step towards Tony.

"You listen to me, DiNozzo, one more stupid comment like that and I will sweep that confident smile of your face" she threatened. She stepped even closer to him, he could feel her breath on his face as her voice came to barely audible whisper "And if you EVER touch me again, you will be singing alt forever"

She didn't even realized how much she changed (or became the same again) since she came back. The aura of mystery was only adding to her old self more sex-appeal. Tony's heart broke to pieces all over again as she gave him her most dangerous (and oh-so-sexy) look and left. McGee followed her.

Tony sat back on the ground and hided his face in his hands. He stayed like that for a while, till Gibbs checked on him

"Still breathing, DiNozzo??"

"Ziva, Boss" he tried to explain "I know there is something she is not telling me, something keeping me apart from her" he was desperate "I just don't know what..."

Gibbs was weighting his options and finally decided to take pity on his agent. Tony wasn't hostile anymore, he was seriously unhappy and wanted to do things right at last.

"Get your head out of your six, DiNozzo and follow me"

"Boss?" he wondered.

"Or do you want me to change my mind??"

Tony was on feet within second and followed Gibbs to his car. Till he realized where they were going, Gibbs was parking in front of his house. Without word he led Tony to the basement and ordered "Sit" Tony mindlessly obeyed. Gibbs placed stack of files in front of him.

"Read" and Gibbs left Tony alone with the truth.

**Next: Tony's dealing with reality**


	13. Disbelief

**Disclaimer: the usual**

**This short chapter was written with only one purpose...to annoy you little bit ;)**

After an hour Gibbs starting to be afraid about Tony and he wondered if he should go to check on him. He had enough persons crying on his shoulder for one week (or whole year for that matter). On the other hand Tony wasn't the person to cry. He would rather smack things (or persons) in reach.

Before Gibbs could decide what to do he noticed Tony getting into his car and driving off with terrible speed. Gibbs just hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid.

Tony drove for hours. He considered confronting Ziva every single minute of this time, but decided (surprisingly wisely for his current state) he would just spook her out more. He needed to figure that one for himself first.

The guilt he felt was overwhelming. How could he even for second doubt Ziva, HIS Ziva?? He knew all the time deep inside, that she would never betray them, betray him. The whole time he spent hating her (it was the easiest defense mechanism) she was proving her loyalty over and over again while suffering torture. And the stupid things he had done to her since she came back?? Now her freaking out in elevator make sense....THE ELEVATOR!!! He would shoot himself for that. How could he do that to her. Not that he didn't desire her, maybe now even more than ever...but where he was going with his caveman move?? STUPID!!!!

It was four in the morning when he finally got himself together again somehow. He knew there was no point in trying to get some sleep, so he went home just to change and went straight to NCIS gym. He punched the bag for hour till he finally got his plan ready. There was no point in confronting her now, there will be enough time for apologies in future. For now proving himself trustworthy again was first on his 'to do' list.

He took quick shower and went out to get coffee. He came back in half an hour holding two cups of coffee and single orange rose. He was the only one to knew they were Ziva's favorite. With hope he could make her smile today he placed one cup and the rose on her desk. He sat comfortably at his table and waited.

The coffee went cold long time ago and the rose started to fade when he finally dared to ask.

"Boss, where is Ziva??"

"She wanted to go check on Cassie in the morning, but she should be here by now" he didn't want to sound worried, but he was, especially when he tried to call her and the cell was off.

Jenny observed the team from the top. She was trying to find good excuse for locking herself back in her office. She would do anything not to have to go down and tell them where Ziva was. She herself had hard time dealing with that and she knew how would the guys react.

She realized that Gibbs noticed her and was waiting for her move. She slowly descended from the stairs. The team stood up and nervously waited for her. They felt she was bringing bad news, they just didn't knew how bad. Gibbs never asked the question, he just looked at her and she spilled her guts out.

"Ziva is on her way back to Israel" If the situation wasn't so grave she would laugh on their reaction. Their mouths opened in disbelief as the meaning of the words came to their conscious.

"NO!!" all three of them reacted simultaneously.

Surprisingly, McGee was the first to recover little bit and asked

"But she is coming back??"

Gibbs never let her answer when he attacked her "How could you let her go??" Jenny was getting agitated.

"It's not like she was asking for permission, she called me already from airport to inform me" all her willingness to explain was gone. Gibbs realized that his accusation was unfair.

"But she is coming back??" he sticked with McGee's question.

Tony was speechless. To Israel. It sounded so definitive. She left them again....she left him. Not that he would blame her after everything he had done and said to her. And it happened now, when he opened his eyes. NO, he is NOT letting her go this time. He was already halfway to Israel in his mind when Jenny specified.

"Her father had a stroke, he is in hospital, there were some things she wanted to take care of personally"

"She shouldn't have gone alone" Gibbs was little bit mad at Jenny for not informing him sooner, when he could do something about it.

"But she is coming back??" Tony asked the question again.

"I have every reason to believe so" it wasn't the 'yes' they were waiting for but it was better then 'no'. Jenny turned to leave when Tony commented to no one in specific.

"I just wonder why she went after everything he had done to her." Jenny froze on the spot.

"Agent Gibbs, I believed you could keep a secret" she accused. There was only way for Tony to find out. Gibbs smiled and leaned down to Jenny and whispered so only she could hear.

"You let me choose...Should I have told him about the night you spent at my place, then??" he asked almost innocently. She was as red as her hair. Luckily for her, Tony and Tim were too busy discussing Ziva's trip to notice her being uncomfortable.

"You wouldn't" she whispered back.

"Try me" he answered in freaking deja-vu of their previous conversation in her office. She took breath like to said something but decided that leaving the scene without word would be better. She was pissed at Gibbs, how could he drag their personal life to work. It took her whole self control not to hit him in the bullpen.

Little did she know that it was exactly the reaction Gibbs was after. He was after any emotional reaction, he was bored of Jenny's immaculate self-control. He wanted her to be the passionate woman she used to be and if it meant pressing certain buttons, then he would go for it.

**So, are you mad at me???**

**Next: Is she coming back??**


	14. He knows

**Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine**

**SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 7 E 1 (just the A/N don't worry)**

**So how did you like it?? I can't wait for next episodes to get some emotions into the mixture, Tony in capture was brilliant, especially his "How was your summer" I loved it. The 'clapping' end was little bit too much, in my opinion, but who cares:)**

**END OF SPOILER ALERT**

Next day was spent on wrapping up the case. Lt. Colonel took proudly responsibility for both murders. He described exactly every disturbing moment of his crimes and even Gibbs needed few breaks during interrogation if wasn't going to kill him on the spot with his bare hands.

Tony was driving everyone crazy, he kept asking at least twice every hour if anyone hasn't heard from Ziva. She wasn't answering her cell phone and neither of them was to keen to try to call Mossad HQ in Israel.

First to gain some intel was Jenny, she had relatively friendly chat with Daniel. She asked him to come to Tel Aviv to take care of Ziva one more time, so now she had fresh news. Eli was in coma and the doctors weren't too optimistic. Ziva was holding up well, but what scared her, was the possibility that she could be asked to follow in her fathers footsteps and became Mossad Director herself. Although she wasn't officially Mossad right now it was only question of some paperwork and her name meant something in Israel. And the scuttlebutt Daniel was passing to her suggested it. She never shared her fears with anyone, Ziva being in Israel was too much for them, they didn't need to know.

Four days full of doubts passed till finally Jenny got call from Ziva. The moment she hung the phone up she left her office and went to find Tony. She decided it was the time for change. She observed Tony closely for these four days and she knew it was now or never for him and Ziva. Ignoring Gibbs little bit too apparently she handed Tony piece of paper.

"Ziva is flying back tomorrow, she needs someone to pick her up at the airport"

Tony almost jumped with joy and read the flight info immediately remembering it. There was only one problem.

"But it is in the morning" he looked worriedly at Gibbs.

"Don't worry, agent DiNozzo, you can have tomorrow off" and without single glare at Gibbs she went back upstairs.

"Boss??" Tony felt the tension between his two bosses. For him, Gibbs was more immediate threat.

"You've heard the director, you are having tomorrow off" Tony accepted the fact quite cheerfully, but knew one thing. He definitely wouldn't switch place with Jenny next time she is going to face Gibbs.

.oOo.

Tony arrived at the airport with half an hour to spare. There was no reason in the world he would be late. He was nervously pacing in arrivals area. His thoughts were rather dark: 'How will she react, will she hurt him, ignore him, yell at him....or worse, just turn back and fly away' His nervousness was increasing with every minute, especially when the delay was declared. It was like bad omen, like something wouldn't want Ziva come back to him. Finally, with almost one hour delay the flight arrived. Bunch of tired travelers went from that flight, but he noticed her the moment she came out.

.oOo.

HE KNOWS!!!

It was first thing that went through Ziva's mind. Questions like why him, where's Jenny or what the hell is going on here were suppressed with one desperately screaming voice in her head: He knows.....

She was exhausted, few days in Israel took most of her strengths and the late flight was the final hit. She wanted nothing more than to get home and sleep for twenty hours at least. She hoped that Jenny would pick her up personally or that she would sent some junior agent at worst, but there he stood and she had nowhere to run.

'He knows, he knows, he knows....' her mind was screaming as she was trying to decide what to do. There was no doubts he knew everything. It was written in his look, in the way he watched her nervously, in the way he hold himself.

It seemed like forever till she passed the space that was between them. He didn't move, he waited for her to come to him.

"Morning" she welcomed almost in whisper. They were facing each other like complete strangers, keeping the safe two steps distance between them.

"Hi, how was the flight?" he joined her game.

"Long" she couldn't force herself to another politeness. She was tired and her mind was going on in terrible speed. 'OK, so he knows, what does it means, where does it left us, why he isn't asking any questions??'. There were only questions and no answers. She knew one thing for sure, he wasn't yelling at her, wasn't mean to her and she liked it.

Tony's mind was fixed on one thing, he wanted to hug her and hold her to make sure she wasn't going anywhere. But any physical contact was out of question, her threat about his most valuable body part was too fresh. His second instinct was to fall to his knees and beg for her forgiveness, but something told him, she wouldn't appreciate that move as well.

They stood silently watching each other, deciding their next move, lost in their thoughts till finally Ziva asked.

"Where's Jenny??"

"She was busy she asked me to pick you up" he spilled nervously and not waiting for answer continued "But if you don't want to go with me, I'll get you taxi or even better, you can have my car and I'll get taxi or we can..."

"Tony" she stopped silently his so unusual babbling "I'm exhausted, could you just drive me home??" She made the first step, now it was up to him.

"That would be my pleasure" he answered truthfully, but little bit too eagerly. He took the travel bag from her hands and without another word led the way towards his car.

The drive home was seemingly endless. When they finally got to Ziva's place, she was fast asleep in her seat. Tony considered the risks for a while and then decided not to wake her. He found her apartment keys in her bag and then picked her up and carried her. They were almost in the bedroom when she woke up. Tony froze and was awaiting her reaction with fear.

Ziva haven't feel so comfortable in long time....maybe never in her life. It wasn't the slow movement that chilled her nerves, it was the smell. She remembered it from times when she was comfortable around Tony. She loved smell of his cologne, but there was more to it, unmistakable masculine odour mixed with ever-present smell of coffee and well, something from Tony himself. She hided her face into his chest as she breathed in the scent. She felt his muscle tensed. She looked at him.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you right now" she assured but he still didn't move a bit as he was considering what to do "Anyway, I'm too tired for it"

"Oh, sorry" he realized he was still holding her and pit her carefully on the bed. "Go to sleep then" and he was leaving. She had only seconds to decide what to do next.

"Tony" she stopped him "don't be so nice, it's scary" wow, she was able to joke, he turned surprised.

"Scary??" he asked.

"Well, not scary.... let say..." she was looking for the right word "weird". He was studying her curiously when she yawned loudly.

"You are tired, I'll just..." and he wanted to leave once more.

"No, stop" she was on her feet now "Lets do it now"

"Zi, it's not the right time"

"Stop it, I have enough of people telling me what to do, you get your ass back to this room or I will break your legs to make you stay"

He smiled unwillingly, she was changing back and he loved it.

"Almost three years back now, while in Israel, you told me to get things out of my system" he didn't want to remembered this specific moment, but she insisted "I think it is your turn now"

"I don't think it is about me now" there was so many emotions that were fighting their way out, but he was used to suppress them

"C'mon, you had to feel something, anything...."

"What do you want me to say??" his defense was getting weaker.

"The truth"

**Next: the conversation goes on**


	15. Changes

**Disclaimer: Do I really need to write it here for fifteenth time???**

**So short chapter today, but I believe you will like it, it should be (I hope) emotional one:)**

**After that there will be probably one last maybe two chapters, to make the promised happy ending, but don't worry, it won't be too fluffy, I'm not good in writing that stuff.**

Silence filled the room. Their were looking each other into the eyes and estimating their opponent. Tony was the first to break.

"OK, so you want the truth....what I was feeling when you pushed me out, It was jealousy, what else..." he was nervously moving through her bedroom, like he was looking for something

"then, you stayed in Israel, it was like someone sucked all life from me, nothing made sense and everything was worthless to me..." she looked at him questionably, but with some guilt in her eyes

"c'mon, I practically yelled me feelings at you and you left me anyway, what was I suppose to do??"

"Tony, I..." she wanted to argue with him, to tell him he didn't fight hard enough but he wouldn't let her finish. He started once and the words were just flowing.

"So I did the easiest thing, I hated you...you have no idea how much, I put all my pain I felt into this one feeling, it was the only thing that kept me going." He finally stopped and and just stared at her, she crouched under his look. His accusation were fair and she knew it.

"And then you came back, like nothing happened, changed, of course, but it was you and you gave no explanation, no reason, you were just expected us to go with it"

"Tony, I..." she tried again.

"No, let me finish. I understand now you had your reasons to stay quiet, but everyone let me be such a jerk, such a pain in the ass, I though I had every right to be...and then you came out with story like this and what am I supposed to do?? To say I'm sorry?? Sorry doesn't cover a half of the thing I did and said"

"Tony" he wanted to stop her again, but she wouldn't let him "If I wanted your pity or if I wanted you to be sorry, I would tell you the first day I came back. There was a reason I didn't said a word"

"It must have been one hell of the reason" he hoped that what she will said now could just take away his guilt.

"It was" she turned to wall, she wasn't able to face him anymore, she had to say it, it was now or never

"Being sorry, feeling pity, or feeling like you owe me changes everything, you know. I didn't want this I wanted..."

"Ziva" he stood right behind her but she stepped away, still not facing him she continued

"Being sorry for someone, feeling like you owe me anything, it interferes with every other feeling. I naively believed, that I am strong enough, that no one will notice how much I changed....But I'm nothing now, I'm big whiny victim and there's nothing I can do about it. I couldn't even see my father in hospital without crying and the son of the bitch never regained consciousness so I couldn't tell him how much I hated him."

He was so close he could feel she was shaking but he never dared touch her, not until she would let him. There was still one unanswered question

"You never told me what you wanted..." Tony dared to ask.

"What I wanted....all this time ago, I wanted nothing more then to get on the freaking plane with all of you, to go back home, to let you pay for everything you have done to me before that mess and then make you beg for forgiveness in some cruel way" although she was still shaking he felt there was something allowing in her tone. He dared to put his hand on her shoulder. She finally turned to him but was sure to shake off his hand with this movement.

"When I came back....I wanted....I needed the support I still believed you would give me, but you changed, you was full of hate and I knew it was my fault...I felt so much guilt for that, but I have enough problem with myself, to make sure I was sleeping at night and I wasn't killing persons on the streets just for bumping at me accidentally" she actually smiled little bit and looked him right in the eyes.

"I fought between the need of being hold by someone, by you, to keep me safe and between the fear of anyone getting too close seeing through my defense, seeing my scars.....I craved human warmth but my body.....I am hideous and...." and she started cry not out of fear, not for the things that happened to her, she cried for herself (probably first, but definitely the last time in her life) she cried for the life that was stolen from her by her pride, by her father, by the terrorists....

"Zi...." Tony put his hand under her chin and made her look at him "you are....well, you are and always was plenty of things, but hideous was never one of them, neither it is now"

"Then why I can't believe that" she tried make step back, to hide from his look but he made sure she wasn't going anywhere and risked everything by pulling her into his warm embrace. She was so shocked by his move she didn't fight him. She put her arms around his waist and hold onto him like he was only thing keeping her alive. He whispered few assuring words and finally said out loud.

"Well, David, it looks like we need to work on your self esteem then" she pushed him away, made one step back and asked

"And what are you planning to do about that" he gave her his best DiNozzo smile.

"You let me worry about that" he assured. They smiled both for a while till the mood in the room changed once more.

"Ziva, are we okay then??" Tony asked with completely different tone. She found her feet suddenly very interesting.

"Tony, I want to forgive you, I know one day I will, but right now....there are only so many things I can deal with in one day" she was almost ashame to admit this. The hopelessness of the last days finally showed in her whole figure.

"I know and I understand, so don't you worry about that. Now you get your rest... you must be exhausted." He stopped by the door of her bedroom

"But you are not getting off so easy, just so you know. Movie night, tonight, my place" she took breath to argue, but he was faster "no rainchecks allowed, make sure to get pizza on your way"

He left fast enough to avoid the pillow flying in his direction.

**So, they are almost there**

**Next: Tony is going to be veery nice:)**


	16. Scary movies

**Disclaimer: NCIS don't belong to me**

**I know I just promised happyending but I've just got that idea, it won't be long delay, don't worry.**

It was almost eight in the evening when Ziva arrived at Tony's place. She was holding two pizzas.

Tony invited her in. The room was unusually warm.

"Hi there, I thought I was going to starve to death"

"You are always worried about your stomach, aren't you??" the small talk was safe for both of them.

He just gave her smile and grabbed the pizzas.

"Take a seat" he nodded towards couch "Do you want a beer??"

"Yes please" she seated herself comfortably. He handed her a bottle and suggested.

"You can take off your sweater, you know"

"Or you can just open the window" she was right back at him. He seemed to consider in for a while but shook his head.

"Nope, then I would be cold" and he throw himself at the couch next to her.

"So, what are we watching??" he asked. She dig the DVD from her bag and handed it to him.

"You are not serious" after his reaction she put on her most innocent look.

"I can't watch scary movies, you know..."

"Oh c'mon, I believe only few movies are scarier than Hannah Montana" but she was already putting the disc into the player. Before she sat back up she took off her sweater. The movie wasn't even halfway through when Ziva had finally enough of Tony throwing in his opinion discrete looks on her bruised arms.

"If you had a question just ask" she dared without any introduction. He seemed surprised by her forthcoming but didn't loose a beat.

"Did it hurt" God, stupid question, Tony thought "I mean, you know, how did you survive, what kept you alive, was it worth it, how do you deal with stuff like that" he was babbling again "I mean, I've read the case file, but it was like every other case file I've read, I mean, It is not personal, but when you see it on the person you lo......care about" whoa, close one "It's so real and still so ..." he stopped he was sure she couldn't understand what he was thinking about. To be honest, he didn't understand as well.

But Ziva knew what was going on in his mind and it were exactly the things that scared her, it was the reason she wanted to keep it all a secret. She switch her position on the couch so she was facing him. She took his hand in order to silence him.

"Tony, I know what's in your mind...you will be dealing with it slowly, but the shock will pass...I saw it so many times" she took her hand away like she suddenly realized what she was doing.

"And to your questions, yes, it hurt like hell, but with time the pain is always present, it is the only thing that proves you are still alive" her voice was almost without emotions, sitting in Tony's living room, watching stupid movie made it all so distant "only thing to keep you alive is hope and for me it was knowing that till I'm quiet, you all are safe, it was like me being alive meant you being safe, it meant they haven't found the way to get to you and haven't found anyone to give them some intel."

It was like he thought, she would let the terrorists cut her to pieces for them..."And the dealing part, it is always complicated, you know. You just take it one day at the time and hope the next one will be better and when you fall you stand back up, if you have someone that will help you" he felt there was something unsaid in this sentence.

"And if you don't have??" he asked.

"Don't have what??" she knew what he meant but she was playing for time.

"If you don't have someone to pick you up, when you fall??" he explained patiently, he felt there was something she had never told anyone. Ziva closed her eyes like she was trying to hide the shame that was so obvious in them.

"Then you go and try to put yourself out of the misery" she whispered. Tony's mouth drop open...she did what?? Did she just admit she tried to commit suicide.

"Yep, that's right, I tried to kill myself, I took some pills, that why I don't take them now" she answered the unasked question.

"But why, you were already out, you were getting yours life back??" it was beyond his imagination that strong person like Ziva would anytime tried to do something so weak like ending her own life. It was so unlike her...gave up without fight.

"I felt so useless, the only thing to keep me going was finished, we put all the bad guys away and you were safe for now. My own father thought I was traitor and I had no one to turn to" she smiled ironically to this memory "It was so easy, just take few pills, no one would care, no one would miss me, just the easy way out"

Tony was speechless, how could she ever feel like this, how could she thought he...someone wouldn't miss her.

"It took me some time to realize, that only person that life is worth living for is me and only me. I begged Daniel not to tell Jenny. No one ever knew, just me, him....and now you."

"I'm glad you told me" the room was getting comfortable again.

"You asked..." she dismissed.

"I just needed to know, but if you don't want to, we can never speak again about that" he offered.

"Actually, the more time I do it, the easier it's getting" and it did, with every person she trusted it was like some of her burden disappeared.

Tony still looked at her instead of the movie.

"If you are uncomfortable with this I can put the sweater back on" and she reached for it.

"No, don't" he stopped her "I just remembered, the medical file, there was photo, your back...." He could still see in front of his eyes that scary photo with black, infected cut on once so smooth skin. She stood up and turn her back to him. She pulled up her t-shirt, revealing now white scar. She had no idea what make her do that, she was never keen of showing her scars.

"It was the worst one, deep cut. It teared open few times and got infected. When Jenny brought me back to US I had two plastic surgeons working only on this scar." again, it was like telling some else's story, like from lifetime ago.

"Do you have any other question??" she was in sharing mood.

"Thousands, but we'll get to them, we had time...now..." he turned back to movie that went for some time unnoticed, he sighted deeply, but stayed determined. Ziva started laugh out loud.

"C'mon, shut the damn thing off." and she pressed the stop button on the remote. "You survived longer then I thought." she winked at him, reached into her bag and put on the table both Transformers movies.

"Thank God" Tony whispered "I was worried I'll have to call your shrink in the morning"

.oOo.

Next couple of weeks were like a dream to Ziva, the best kind of dream. She enjoyed her work, her coworkers were keen of her and so was she of them. The only shadow of absolute happiness was increasing intensity and frequency of fights between Gibbs and Jenny, but 'the kids' were so much lost in their own ever present felicity they weren't noticing it.

They solved more cases in this two weeks then in last two months and were finally like they used the be. With only one difference. Tony was being surprisingly nice and forthcoming. He spent his every free second trying to make Ziva happy. Sometimes he overdid it and it drove everyone crazy, like when working crime scene he tried to do her work as well as his or when he was convincing Gibbs she shouldn't work recent murder case, that it could make her uncomfortable. She almost killed him for that.

But mostly she enjoyed the attention. Every morning she found on her table coffee and two extra-chocolate muffins. Ziva was also using him little bit by making him do her share of paperwork.

What was most important for everyone was the fact, that Ziva was smiling. She was self-confident once more, her body was healing and she was spending more and more time in the gym (mostly with Tony) and was able to interrogate suspects without shaking. She even reached the point when she asked Tony if he want to go with her at her regular doctor's appointment. It left Jenny completely speechless.

It was weird for everyone then, when one morning Ziva came to work without smile, obviously after sleepless night, lost in her thoughts. She ignored Tony's concerned look and passed breakfast on her table. She stopped in front of Gibbs but before she could do or said anything Jenny came from upstairs.

"Zi, I've just heard, how are you doing" and she hugged her friend. There were tears in Ziva's eyes.

"What's going on??" Gibbs asked, after last experience he was even less keen of secrets then he used to be.

Ziva was the one to answer with quiet voice.

"My father died." It was clearly emotional statement, but no one was quite sure which emotions were hidden in her voice "I have to go to Israel, to take care of funeral and stuff" she was determined. Whatever her feelings were he was her father and she always was good daughter.

"No way, not gonna happen" Tony surprised everyone with loud outburst. "Ziva is not going back to Israel" he checked his teammates expressions and then turned to person he believed was on his side "Gibbs??" he was looking for support.

Gibbs looked at his agents, Tony was scared and Ziva was shaken, Jenny supported her, McGee sit still at his desk and awaited the verdict.

"Tony, Ziva's father just died, if she wants to go to his funeral, there is no way we can stop her." he passed the group and walked towards the elevator, it was coffee time. He was almost out of the earshot when he added for no one specific "Even if we want to".

"She is not going alone then" Tony was determined.

"You would go with me??" Ziva was surprised "You hate Israel" she stated.

"Someone has to make sure you will come back"

**There won't be any long funeral scenes, don't worry, but I need Ziva to deal with her past.**

**Next: after funeral**


	17. No rest for the wicked

**Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine, neither are the characters from the show.**

**Sorry for the delay guys, I was moving to the new place and I had some connection problems. I'm back online now and there is one last chapter for you. It is probably not so fluffy as it should be, but when I try to write some romance it seemed always so pathetic for me.**

**Anyway, episode 2 season 7 (SPOILER ALERT) was sooooo hot I watched three times scene between Tony and Ziva – it was so great they put them in the bathroom, loved it. And I loved the Ziva-Gibbs talks (Director is not the only one you should talk to...sweet) and Abby's babbling, I was really scared she was going to be angry at Ziva. (END OF SPOILER ALERT)**

One week later Ziva stood in the graveyard attending her father's funeral. Tony stood by her side like he did during whole last week. He refused to leave her side for even just a moment. He didn't understand most of the things that were going on, but having Ziva on his side was enough for him. He was bit concerned about the long conversations she had over the phone with who-knows-whom. The longer they stayed in Israel the more often the calls were and Ziva was always very agitated after them.

There were plenty people attending the funeral. Tony guessed that the one to arrive late never even saw the coffin. He honestly didn't care about the funeral, for him it meant only one thing, they were going home, together, and they finally would have chance to put their lives in order.

After the ceremony Ziva was getting the condolences mostly from persons she never saw in her life before. She, as well as Tony, was hoping to survive this whole ordeal and go home as fast as possible.

When all the crowd was gone two of the guests joined Ziva and Tony. One of them, Deputy Director of the NCIS Leon Vance, after offering his sympathies said:

"Well, Miss David, and I guess congratulations are also in place. It is pity that NCIS is going to lose you again."

Tony froze on the spot and never managed to ask the 'what??' which was written in his scared look. Ziva didn't looked surprised, what worried him, she just looked angry. She turned to Vance's companion and was explaining something (more likely reprimanding him quite severely) to him in Hebrew. He answered back and the conversation was getting agitated. It looked like they would fight each other for a while but finally Ziva gave up. She closed her eyes and nodded to something.

The moment she looked at him, Tony knew something was wrong, very wrong.

"It looks like you are going tomorrow alone"

"NO!!!" was Tony's only answer.

"Tony" she calmed, "not here" and she grabbed his hand and led him further on the graveyard, away from every curious eyes and ears. She put her hands around his waist and hold him very close to her. It was first bodily contact she induced, but Tony knew she had some bad news. She was looking straight into his eyes.

"Listen to me, since my father got sick I have been repeatedly asked to take his place in the Mossad's Director chair. I repeatedly refused, but I guess they still keep trying. I've agreed to stay here and help pick my father's replacement." she explained.

"Then I will stay here with you."

"It will be daily meetings till late hours, you would die of boredom."

"I'll stay here with you"

"Tony, pack your damn things and go back home, I'll be back in two weeks, I promise"

He was weighting his options. Spending more time in Israel was very low on his 'want to do' list. Especially when it meant he probably won't be seeing Ziva for days anyway.

"OK" he conceded "You have two weeks, on fifteenth day I will be here to bring you home" he promised "and I will bring Gibbs with me". They both smiled on that before Ziva stood on her toes and kissed Tony quickly, what brought him completely speechless.

.oOo.

Tony didn't hear from Ziva for whole thirteen days. Every single day he was getting more nervous and more annoyed and well, annoying too. It was like the first time she went to Israel. On fourteenth day he was sitting at his computer and was considering booking flight tickets for himself and Gibbs, and just to be sure for Abby and McGee too, maybe even Ducky and Palmer should join them. He didn't even notice the elevator arriving at the floor, nor did he notice light footsteps till she stood behind him.

Ziva was considering how to spook Tony in the best way till Abby appeared on the floor. Probably every person in the building heard her cheerful 'ZIVA!!!!!!!!!!' yelled with such a joy that Tony couldn't be surprised more. He jumped on his chair, spilled his coffee all over his table and his shirt and when he was trying stand up his chair ended on the floor and he himself as well. Girls were still smiling while they were hugging and smile was still on their faces when Tony was trying to stand up from the floor.

"Nice to see you haven't change a bit, Tony" Ziva commented. He finally managed to get on his feet and was considering his possible excuses that would make him seem less pathetic. Before Tony could say anything she hugged him and hide her face in his chest.

"I missed you" she whispered "I hated every second of this two weeks" He hold her like she should disappear from his eyes and whispered to her hair

"Missed you too"

Abby was watching the whole scene and couldn't help the dreamy 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh' that got out of her lips.

Gibbs walked pass them completely unnoticed.

"You two get a room" he said in deadly serious voice "If you make me watch scene like this ever again I promise I will get both of you assigned to different hemispheres."

They separated like they'd got burned from the contact. They knew Gibbs would be able to fulfill his threat, especially with the stuff that was going on between him and Jenny. Their two bosses weren't able to work their problems up and the tension between them seemed to be worse every day.

Things between Gibbs and Jenny got so complicated that Ziva and Tony didn't almost dare to look at each other while at work. Gibbs became very sensitive to every possible version PDA, when he accidentally walked on two agents kissing in the bathrooms, it seemed for a while he was going to shoot them right there.

On the other hand Ziva and Tony were doing great. She was slowly getting use to fact, that not every physical contact has to be unwelcome or unpleasant. She was getting more and more self confident and more and more comfortable in her own body, however bruised it was. Tony still felt some guilt for his hostile behavior, so he was still trying to make it up for Ziva.

They were both aware of the fact, that it is going to take plenty of time, until their relationship could be taken to next level, not to mention having sex, but they were both willing to walk this path down together to the end.

.oOo.

About week after her arrival Ziva stood in front of Jenny's office waiting for her. She was leaning on the railing and watched the squad room. She was happy like she believed she would never be again. She was home and she was not going anywhere. She was changed, but she was slowly starting to like the 'new Ziva' even more then she liked the old one.

Jenny joined her after few minutes. They stayed silent for a while when Ziva finally asked.

"What the hell is going between you and Gibbs??"

"It's complicated" Jenny avoided the answer.

"Yeah, for all of us, he is making our lives miserable, so I guess we deserve to know why"

"Why don't you asked him, then" Jenny said like it wasn't big deal. Ziva chuckled.

"C'mon, I thought you didn't want me to be suicidal".

Then the silence fall over again. Jenny was trying to find the right words to explain the situation. It took her while till she finally admit.

"We slept together, few times..." she caught Ziva completely off guard with this

"What??" she was sure she misheard.

"...until he started to talk about relationship, since then I've been avoiding him" she said ignoring Ziva's shocked reaction.

"Did you said him you are in love with him?" she asked. She knew her friend well and there was no doubt in her mind that Jenny was in love with Gibbs.

"Not exactly" she admit with blush and they both looked at Gibbs at his table. He was just yelling at some agent probably for breathing too loudly.

"You should" Ziva suggested.

"You are not the right person to giving me advices on my romances. Did you tell Tony you forgave him everything long time ego??" Their attention was switched to the senior field agent. He was finishing Ziva's part of paperwork. She smiled mischievously at this sight.

"Not exactly" she repeated after Jenny. They smiled so loud that half of the squad room looked up.

"We are great couple" Jenny whispered to Ziva when their conversation was private once more.

"I agree." Ziva winked "But I guess we should put our guys out of the misery" Jenny nodded to it

"No rest for the wicked" she commented.

Both women were still smiling when they walked the stairs down towards whatever the life had prepared for them in future.

**THE END**


End file.
